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Broken Angel - Repost
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Broken Angel - Repost |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
Okay well obviously SOME people jumped to conclusions on my poem so I shall explain myself now, which i didn't get a chance to do beforehand. I really don't like to explain certain parts of my poems because I feel that takes away from the reader's enjoyment and sometimes even being able to relate to the poem. I will say that I will NOT delete any lines, however I might add some if I feel like while I'm retyping this. I will say that this NOT, whatsoever, a suicide poem, which is what was thought that it was. Those who still truely think that after I have explained myself, then obviously you like jumping ahead, even though it's only the other that truely knows what's in and what is not in their piece of writing. So here's the poem, again, and explaining will come afterwards. An angel on earth So pure and innocent, With wings a blinding white and such softness. Some what shy and naive But always greeting life with a smile And always so happy to be alive. That's who stood before my eyes once upon a time. An angel with her wings tinted black Dances in front of me, The blackness showing only a hint of rebellion, Not caring what was said to her. She was too happy being in love to really take notice. But she too began to fade after awhile. An angel with grey wings now, Rebellion worn out, But the wing tips dripping blood As does the knife in her hand. Her wings, her freedom, clipped before her eyes. Oh her screams were loud! Yet no one seemed to hear or take notice... Though her wounds gushed blood. Stripped of everything she once was Her smile disappears And her frown becomes set in stone. The blade so close... The cuts on her mind Just starting to heal, Why not add some more, she thought. No one knew who she was anymore But that was fine, She had become so apathetic That she knew the world could end And she wouldn't care. So slice away her heart said. Today an angel died, Her heart still beats But she is very much dead inside. A fallen, broken angel now destroyed. The world she once loved so Clipped her wings And watched her die in agony. No one tried to keep her alive... Well... she finally found the freedom she sought. This angel that I see Is there in the mirror Reflecting back at me. Ok now to explaining. Wings dripping in blood = tears of pain. Knife = harsh words (this angel has no self esteem left by the end of the poem so she finds herself putting herself down a lot, though most of the time she doesn't even really realize it, so really that's all the knife represents is the words she uses to describe herself, and the words she hears, or thinks she hears, using to describe her). blood = pain "the cuts on her mind" = more mental damage done by harsh words. "so slice away her heart said" = she wouldn't be able to accept a compliment, she'd just find a way to turn it around. "Today an angel died" = NOT a suicide, just like an emotional part of her dies, making her a void, she's still very much alive which is said by the following line, just a part of her has died so she just wanders through the days, just there.. but yet not really caring anymore. Well there, i've completely disected it for you and probably ruined it, but it was for those certain people that jumped to conclusions. if there's something you think you don't understand... ASK! or email me, i'd be happy to explain, just don't jump ahead thinking you know it all, it bugs me a lot. Search too deeply and you might fall in. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Stephanie Harmon - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
I'm glad your critique message says "Share what you think," because it's going to take a little honesty to discuss this. Poems are almost never pulled based just on the opinions of one or even just a few people. Your poem was reviewed by most of the active Moderator team and generated twenty responses over the course of eighteen hours before a consensus was reached. Does that mean they were necessarily right? Not at all. What it does mean, though, is that a fairly large group of people who read a LOT of poetry apparently, and it seems completely, misunderstood your metaphors. The question then becomes, was that their fault? Or could it perhaps be the fault of the writer? You indicate several times that only the author really knows what is or isn't in the poem. That's fine as long the author is the only one who ever reads the poem. The minute you put it into the public realm, however, you are asking others to interpret your words. You "hope" they arrive at the message you meant to tell, and your skill as a writer is the only tool you have to further that goal. If that message is lost or twisted, it is NOT the fault of the reader. The Moderators here have been asked to interpret the poetry posted and insure the guidelines are followed. You chose a very violent metaphor that even in the hands of a highly skilled writer is difficult to sustain without making the message itself violent. If every Moderator who read it without your explanation agreed that it romanticized self-harm, it seems safe to assume a lot of other readers would reach that determination, too. What the writer "meant" to say is irrelevant if that's not what they actually said. The Moderators, working as a team, have to make their decisions based on what the READER will get out of the poem. I think it's good, even great, to stretch your skills as a writer. Not every piece we write will be successful, nor should it be. But if you're going to work with violent or questionable metaphors in these forums, you need to either be VERY sure you have the skill to make your message clear or, as you did this time, add a road map for the reader to follow. The responsibility to be understood is always on the writer's shoulders. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I'm sorry there was confusion, however Ron is right. Being that I had the job of closing your post and sending you an email, you might have the impression that I chose to pull it all on my own. That is never the case around these forums, as many of us discuss the poems in question in length. You need to understand that our job is to abide by the rules and see to it that all of the members do as well, if a poem seems to glorify suicide or cutting we need to do something about it. This is a family site, and small children can read everything that's posted on these pages. Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
i realized that it had some tones that people were obviously not understanding, when i had people read it at school so i had planned on clarifying it once i got home since i could not get to a computer at school. but it was removed before i got the chance to get on my computer. but that is fine, it's reposted now with explainations. Search too deeply and you might fall in. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
It doesn't feel like a poem about suicide to me, but it does feel confused, angry and bleak. My girl gets like that sometimes, so I understand. Keep writin' -- y' got some good stuff t' say. She said burn ... together. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I liked your poem a great deal. about the other thing, im neutral. keep on writing and sharing. Regina |
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