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Teen Poetry #5
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Streen
Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 169


0 posted 2002-05-11 01:15 PM



    O fragrant lady
         above the moonstars,
know this:
others find man's darkbright orbed
fate, from how
the planets breathe the light.
              
  And when bright children eyes
tossle feet across moonlit fields
drinking birth by birth of lune-ray
lune-night, others see

not what I see in you.
They see mere light,
sunmoonstar light that
heart the way in can't show.

Children eyes bright see light
and path by path can trample
(by the moon above the stars)
your birthling flowers just rising.

O moonlighting dove,
          I could close

my eyes
and would not lack you.
The sunmoonstars do not show
your flowers by the path.
Maybe only your eyes do.

My hands clasp above the moonlit wheat,
and wildly,

O forever flower,

I stray  path by path
to drink your love
(moon by lunar not mattering)
my heart.

© Copyright 2002 Derek Benz - All Rights Reserved
Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
1 posted 2002-05-11 10:21 PM


Marry me?
Err...this was a much welcomed break from the unpoetic love poems I'm seeing too much of...
I like your lack of 'normal' statements.. Very creatively done and enjoyed muchly.
  ~Carly

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
  ~David Borenstein

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
2 posted 2002-05-12 01:45 PM


Wonderful, wonderful write! *applause* I thoroughly enjoyed this. Hoohoo! ^o^ The abstract nature of this poem is unique, but very, very appropriate. I loved the phrasing. ^_^

"from how
the planets breathe the light."

Beautiful imagery there, and throughout the entire poem! This is a treat to read! ^__^ Thank you!

-Leah

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
3 posted 2002-05-12 10:14 PM


I loved this. It was so creative and and well written. You wrote this excellently and had such vivid and imaginitive imagery and vocabulary. This is going into my library and I will look for more of  your works from now on. Thoroughly enjoyed this. Keep them coming Streen.
.:tiff:.

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

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