Knights of (my) apocalypse

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dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

0 posted 2002-04-16 01:56 PM

Knights of (my) apocalypse

WAR
... is what I'm at
I am where it's set
but where are the bullets
to kill ghosts inside my head

FAMINE
... weakens defence
I grow numb within
lack of special vitamins
got bad bones and thin skin

PLAGUE
... is what my door says
around me you'll all frown
I'm spitting blood, keep distance
my touch would pull you down

to

DEATH

"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2002-04-16 01:59 PM

definately dark! i liked it a lot

Great poem and keep up the great work!

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2002-04-20 12:40 PM

*tsk* So dark...so...morbid...so...

*thinks*

I hate thesauruses.
Anyways...I really liked the way you ended this...the way the poem dragged you downhill to the ultimate big one.

You're a morbid lil guy, aren't you? ^^; Good job all the way around. ^_^

-Leah

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2002-04-20 02:28 AM

Excellently written, MattheRs

but where are the bullets
to kill ghosts inside my head
That was by far my favourite part of the entire piece. It jumped out and spoke to me...really, it did.

Now seriously, it's such a dark topic that I worry about you so look after yourself. I WILL email you back a little later but I'm running on less than half an hours sleep for the past 48 hours. Give me time.

Thanks for sharing this. Much enjoyed.

~AF~

I tried to stab my shadow the other day. It's a shame my leg got in the way.

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

4 posted 2002-04-20 02:13 PM

Nice critque message!

anyways. i enjoyed this tons. Loved the format and the flow. And the message was very strong. You wrote this well and it made me think. Loved the title too. I'm a 'knight' fan obviously.

I agree with above, i enjoyed those lines as well. But this was my fav lines:
FAMINE
... weakens defence
I grow numb within
great write.
.:TifF:.

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (04-20-2002 02:14 PM).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2002-04-20 09:54 PM

"I'm spitting blood, keep distance
my touch would pull you down

to

DEATH"

...this is VERY powerful indeed (matthers the ant with the 'r'

)..naaw all jokes aside...it is a very confronting piece from you. and no, you didnt manage to burn my eyes out by posting it either. you're always one to write stuff from the heart and this one's no exception. keep writing sweetie...i enjoyed this one GREATLY

The feeling of Sleepiness when you're not in bed, and can't get there, is the meanest feeling in the world.-- Edgar Waston Howe

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2002-04-22 03:32 PM

Matt!

  This was kick-butt!  I don't think I could tell you how this gave me chills all up my spine.

The originality of this piece was also very impressive.  I've seen very few written like this, and none even comparing to the power you left the reader at the end.  Writing the beginning words of the stanzas in all-caps was a good choice, and fit perfectly... not too much intensity, but not too little.

The somberness of the lines scare me a little, also... the eye-widening lines are a jolt to the system.  Just adding more power... "but where are the bullets/to kill ghosts inside my head."

The issues you touch in this are deep, and is a hard thing to express.  You did a wonderful job.  The ending was extremely impressive... "I'm spitting blood, keep distance/my touch would pull you down."

Very nicely done!  This is definitely the best I've seem from you.

Impressed, as always, m'dear.  I can't wait to talk to you again soon!  (Right?

)

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (04-22-2002 03:32 PM).]

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