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fade into the night.
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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fade into the night. |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda 
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Sometimes just watching the beauty of a day breeze to it's close it what reminds us of how special life is. This is what I hope to share with my write below... fade into the night. excited leaves, play in the winds fingers. balancing birds, sit aloft restless branches. gentle waves, caress the coral sand. disturbed sand, slowly settles to previous state. bright clouds, sail amidst baby blue skies. dried leaves, dance across the puddled' sand. long legged birds, scurry the timid shores' offerings. the gentle sea, keeps wooden vessels meek. fine sand, churn across the beach's surface. jealous clouds, rush to block the sun's brilliance. palm leaves, wave patterns of shade on the sand. a steel bird, roars across the sky's expanse. alluring waves, call and invite me to indulge. placid sand, wakes my prudent thoughts of circumstance. untainted clouds, now dip into the sea at the horizon. orange sun, follows suit. and with it, all cognizant beauty fades. the cold, forms alliance with the growing darkness. ©2002 hayden a. james My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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| © Copyright 2002 hayden a. james - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
I loved the picture you painted...I could really see it in my head.. Great Job, awesome imagery! ~Lisa |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
This was some kickin' imagery...One slice of critique, though. Do you really need all those commas after your short lines? Here, take away the break and you've got a sentence: Dried leaves, dance across the puddled sand. See what I mean? The line break in the poem already makes the reader pause. I don't think the comma's really necessary.  I really love the way you carried everything into the other stanzas...it makes for some good thought. I loved the ending, as well...A twisted, pessimistic look at sunset and the end of beauty...Very nice work, and by the way, I like your name. ~Carly |
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