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Teen Poetry #5

Lost in Forever Slumber

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

0 posted 2002-03-24 05:59 PM

Twenty minutes ago I left your house
You didn't even notice did you?
You probably still haven't noticed I left
Now a half hour past...
You certainly haven't followed.
All you want to do is sleep
You make me asking to do something
Sound like the end of the world.
Fine have it your way
Stay in bed all day,
I won't even bother to ask you anymore
To join in the things I'd like to do,
Or bother to tell you what's going on in my life
Because I know what the response will always be.
Have fun sleeping your life away
Maybe when you wake up you'll care
But who knows when that'll happen
And who knows if I'll still be there.

Android 18
Member

since 2002-02-20

Posts 61
Austrailia (My DreamLand)

1 posted 2002-03-26 12:16 PM

I really like this poem. Great job!

"I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?"

CocoBaci
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 3043

2 posted 2002-03-26 12:44 PM

enjoyed the read Mistic...
thanx4sharing...
*~coco~*

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

3 posted 2002-03-27 12:47 PM

Nice job on the poem. I know a few people like that. Better to just give up on it, they don't wanna try, neither do you after awhile.I'll quit talking now
Jon

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2002-03-27 06:08 PM

I liked this a lot..if you asked my BF he would say i was a lot like this...i sleep too much mostly cuz im depressed and its the only time i can really feel safe is when i sleep..but who knows...hope things get better between u 2..maybe you guys need to talk about it all

iTs bEeN 1 Of ThOsE dAyZ 4 2 MaNY dAyZ nOw..I jUst NeEd a DaY whErE tHe WOrLd cAn tAkE cArE of ItsElf..

Kielo
Senior Member

since 2002-02-11

Posts 1109

5 posted 2002-03-28 02:51 PM

Awesome poem. The ending was really good, something about it just sounded right. I think it was the rhyme. (Remembers that she doesn't normally like rhyme, and is confused) Ok, now that I've confused myself, I'm going to go now...

Good luck!

Kielo

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