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Teen Poetry #5

will I ever hear....

hopeful
Junior Member

since 2000-04-19

Posts 27

0 posted 2002-02-26 12:36 PM

You moved away
I did not know
Month's of trying to reach you
No progress in sight
Month's of wondering if I'd get to talk to you again
You didn't realize I valued your friendship so much
Wishing I could talk to you
Wishing I knew how you were
Emails unanswered, maybe unread
Wondering if I'd done something wrong
Will I ever hear from you again
I will hope so

Any comments on how to improve it are extremly welcomed

"Be careful who you fall for there never who you think they are"

If you have any suggestions on how to make my peom better it is very welcomed.

[This message has been edited by hopeful (02-26-2002 09:29 PM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-02-26 11:56 PM

I think this is fine as is....it's really hard for me to critque another's words, as they are private and a reflection of their emotions....I felt this, and I like it as is

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

2 posted 2002-02-27 07:49 AM

Good work!!! Trying to find someone that moved is hard!!!

I've been trying to locate a friend of mine in the army and hes not even in the government data base...One day hopefully I will find him...

Good luck on reaching your friend...

~I thought it was only your loss when we broke up, but it turns out it was mine too~

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

3 posted 2002-02-27 08:35 AM

Ahhh I understand this. *hugs*
Fate finds a way to make things happen

Good luck.
And keep writing

Jenn

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting."

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-02-28 04:34 AM

ugh..the situation sux...you wrote this one well though, if you really want to see an improvement(not that its nessesary with this piece) i think you could add more length to it...nice write

Zombie

Torn are her limbs
By quiet hands that
Tug life(color) out of her.
Gnawing edges round
Into a broken(satisfying)
Shadow

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