oceans creation - pipTalk Forums

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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-02-23 10:52 PM

I have dreamt of creation
of how oceans began
they were pools of broken spirits
rippled by the tears of man

They came from girls like me
Always trying for "perfection"
but waters formed from salty tears
showed pain in their reflection

They came from the gothic girl
the valedictorian, the nerds
they came from you top cheerleader
they came from pain, from hurt, from words

They came from the smartest girl
From that girl who was never seen
They came from the beautiful girl
Icy tears from the Ice queen

These tears from different girls
salty waters from hurting eyes
have filled the world with water
seeping out through souls demise

Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more...

gracianna
Member

since 2002-02-17

Posts 165
A 14 year hell

1 posted 2002-02-23 10:53 PM

Wow...I like this one a lot. Very deep, and sensitive to everyone's emotions...You are SO going on my library list...

I give a whole new meaning to the word 'sad.'

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-02-24 12:06 PM

Wow...loved this Lisa. Interesting thought...

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

3 posted 2002-02-24 01:11 AM

I really loved this one....very interesting and unique with the idea. I love the title too - fits it perfectly. Excellent job.

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2002-02-28 04:49 AM

liked this one loads too..im fast becoming a fan

Zombie

Torn are her limbs
By quiet hands that
Tug life(color) out of her.
Gnawing edges round
Into a broken(satisfying)
Shadow

TigerZ
Member

since 2002-01-02

Posts 83
Ontario, Canada

5 posted 2002-02-28 10:43 PM

you write such beautiful work...and i always know what your talking again...=) thanks for posting this

A life without love…is no life at all.

-Queth-
Junior Member

since 2002-02-10

Posts 35
Canada

6 posted 2002-02-28 11:01 PM

-LCBS-

I thought this was a very fine poem. The meter was good, and the idea is quite original. I've never thought of how oceans might be created; to me, they were always there, but you've added some creativity to the forum, and so I thank you for that. -smile-

You've taken something from reality and blended it in with something more surreal (though oceans aren't exactly surreal, they are often used in surrealism) making this poem seem somewhere inbetween two worlds. Very nice. -smiles-

I hope to read more from you. This is a great piece!

Q.u.e.t.h.

Everything in between...

[This message has been edited by -Queth- (02-28-2002 11:02 PM).]

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

7 posted 2002-03-01 01:53 PM

Them strong words, LCBS, I think they are excellent ones at that!

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

8 posted 2002-03-01 01:53 PM

Them strong words, LCBS, I think they are excellent ones at that!

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

9 posted 2002-03-01 07:17 PM

"You've taken something from reality and blended it in with something more surreal (though oceans aren't exactly surreal, they are often used in surrealism) making this poem seem somewhere inbetween two worlds. Very nice."

Honestly, I can't put it much better.

A very deep, honest, and quite vivid piece. Nice pace, nice rythm. Basically, well done!

~ Titus

The One, The Only... The Titus.

dastard
Member

since 2001-07-14

Posts 55
in tearing silence

10 posted 2002-03-02 10:04 AM

very cool one.. I enjoyed it lots!

"Pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt" ~Marie, the girl of a thousand truths

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

11 posted 2002-03-02 10:34 AM

the flow is great and the idea of the oceans made from tears is a good one....

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

12 posted 2002-03-02 01:29 PM

*hugs you* awwww, I love this, I do believe Queth said it best

and I'm all for agreeing on this one!!

Kris

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

13 posted 2002-03-02 07:18 PM

Wow, not only is the title captivating...but the poem is great to match!

This is deep beyond normal conception...I really enjoyed this! (Forgive me for my lame choice of words)

Beautiful imagery here...I loved it! I didn't have to think very hard, Lol. It just...showed itself to me! Thanks for posting!

Others are too in love with the sound of their own voice to speak the truth...

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