The Thunder Rolls - pipTalk Forums

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BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

0 posted 2002-02-21 10:00 PM

Think I'm going into a new style. Not sure whats going on, but this one just kindda jumped out.

The Thunder Rolls

As your life roles on
You wonder some times
When will it end?
How will it end?
What will happen to me?

Still you press on
Never giving up
Even with all the doubts in this world
You never give up
Though some do

Like the wild stallions that run the plains
The thunder from your hooves forever rolls
It sounds loudly thru the plains of your life
Even though the weather gets stormy
And the food gets scarce

It never stops
When your life
Your plain
Ends
Your hooves carry you home

To run for ever

When it begins
When your life
Your plain
Begins
Your fresh new hooves hit the ground

To begin your journey

How will you run?
Will you give up in the stormy weather,
Or when food gets scarce?
Or will you press on
Always making the thunder roll

Only you know

Let the thunder roll

---Night Angel

[This message has been edited by BrokenAngel (02-21-2002 10:11 PM).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2002-02-21 10:05 PM

I liked the poem. I thought it was written ok, but the last stanza kind of caught me. The second line, if I recall started with the word "Or" and then ended in a question mark. I think the verse before that line should have a coma at the end of the sentence and then say "Or...." and end THAT line with a question mark. The whole last stanza reads different and kind of makes the reader stop and try and figure out what you're trying to say.
Just a thought, you don't have to change the punctuation. Some writers care about being perfect though

Anyhow, I enjoyed the poem. Well done

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

2 posted 2002-02-21 10:12 PM

Thanx for the suggestion, it does look better. I have a thing about not going over things, to affraid I'll mess it up. Thanx though!!

---Night Angel

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