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BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

0 posted 2002-02-19 12:35 PM

I now wonder who I can trust
No matter where I turn
Some one is turning
Some one is stabbing me in the back

So many people I trust
They all turn on me
What have I done do deserve this?
I thought everything was going to work

Every one marvels as the rose unfolds
They marvel at the sweet smell
They adore the delecacy of it's petals
The deepness of it's color

But then they destroy it
As if it were a common weed
It's almost like they don't want it around
Even after they have said it was so wonderful

How can they do this?
How can they destroy the one thing they love?
How can they cut the stem away?
How can they cast away a flower?

Why?

---Night Angel

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2002-02-19 03:04 PM

I liked this one. The metaphor with the rose was very good. The first two stanzas seemed outta place though. The flower portion of the poem overpowered it.Good job.

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

BrokenAngel
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 141
Puryear, TN, USA

2 posted 2002-02-19 03:55 PM

I know this one may not be as good as some of my others. I agree that the first two parts of it are a little out of place, I've been suffering from writters block out my ears lately. I'm working on getting it back though so bear with me.

---Night Angel

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

3 posted 2002-02-20 10:11 PM

i read this over 5 times and even though the first two stanza did not fit it was needed or else "ROSE" would not have a soul, it would of been about a dying flower.

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

4 posted 2002-02-20 10:15 PM

I agree with chas...the first 2 stanzas introduce us to the writer and their feelings and lets us be sympathetic to the "rose" that has been cast aside. Excellent job

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2002-02-21 12:45 PM

this poem was really good...i know how you feel b/c the feeling is all too familiar...i just dont understand why people do what they do either

mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo"

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