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hollow tree
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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hollow tree |
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mateusz New Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 7 |
A hollow tree is empty like me. leaving me left me in ruins, what was once lively and colorful is now dead and dark. going away you foced me down the wrong path and now I must wonder through the darkness in searh of light. you left me clueless of why you left, but your gone and not coming back. my heart was with you when we met, but you stole it when you left. you left me empty like a hollow tree. [This message has been edited by mateusz (02-16-2002 10:14 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 mateusz - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
ok first, let me say I loved this!! Now I will make a suggestion only meant to be helpful, you do it how you want to....the suggestion is so that when others read it, they can follow it easier....  try writing it like this: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "A hollow tree is empty like me. leaving me left me in ruins, what was once lively and colorful is now dead and dark. going away you forced me down the wrong path and now I must wonder threw through the darkness in searh of light. you left me clueless of why you left, but your gone and not coming back. my heart was with you when we met, but you stole it when you left. you left me empty like a hollow tree." |
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-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
I thought this was great the way you used the metaphor of a hollow in comparison to yourself, although it isn't great that you're feeling this way. I guess it's one of those things that is part of life's package. I'd have to agree with the format SEA suggested. It's much easier to read as a poem. -smile- I was curious to know about this line: {threw through the darkness in searh of light.}- the "threw" didn't make much sense in this context, and I was wondering if it was supposed to be there? Other than that, it was nice reading something from you! Keep up the good work! Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between... |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I thought this was well done. I liked how you used the tree as analogy, i thought that was interesting Keep em comin!mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
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