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Night Stalker
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Night Stalker |
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Demonic Illusion Member
since 2002-02-07
Posts 50 |
Patience wearing thin, Wondering where I've been. Looking for a soul to steal, I feel my head begin to reel. Lurking in the fog coated streets, Thought in my mind always repeats. My mind burried in stone, Darkness is all I've known. Glacier water flows in these veins, Loving the sight as it rains. Eyes rolled back in my head, Hanging on by a tiny thread. Shadow master and murderous spider, Crash landed in an angel's glider. Roaming the streets at night, Keeping all demons in sight. The world brings me to my knees again, Waiting for the dark days to begin. Fighting constantly with day walkers, And this is why they call us night stalkers. Demonic Illusions, Frostic Dragons, Bloody Tears From Me To You....all surround by a force of Untouchable Darkness |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kyle - All Rights Reserved | |||
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-Queth- Junior Member
since 2002-02-10
Posts 35Canada |
Nice rhyming! The short rhymed words helped a lot with the drive in the poem, which kept the reader reading (wow, that was redundant). The meter was a tad obstructed in a few places, mostly because of a few missing words or syllables. For example, instead of {Roaming the streets at night, Keeping all demons in sight.}- you could have, "Roaming the streets upon this night, Keeping all demons within my sight." Or something like that. Just a suggestion. -smile- The words you used here created a well constructed dark atmosphere and mood. You kept the nighttime theme throughout, keeping the ending well matched to the title. A great post! Keep up the good work! -smile- Q.u.e.t.h. Everything in between... [This message has been edited by -Queth- (02-10-2002 08:59 PM).] |
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LCBS Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532Connecticut |
...yah what he said..... Great poem, makes me scared to go out tonight..... ~LCBS Exeryone makes mistake, learn from them and move on, because tomorrow we'll make more... |
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DawnG 
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
This is an awesome poem. Keep up the great work. Dawn |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
Great job I really like it. Keep posting! Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
Creepy.... What an awsome poem! I like the way it was written, just something about it....... Well anyway, it's a great poem, but now I put this question to you: Are darkness and light truely enemies, or simply different sides of the same coin? That said, are they really fighting each other, or the unwanted parts of themselves? Just a thought that crossed my mind. Ignore it if you wish. Great poem! Bye! After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it. |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
ok, i really liked this one, it had good rhyming and awesum imagery. i think everything else has been said so ta-ta 4 now!  ~If u luv something, let it go,if it comes back 2 u, its urs, if it doesnt, it never wuz..~DMX |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Strong piece. You definately get your feelings and emotions out through your words...nicely done mE & cHrIsTiNe GaVe A WhOlE nEw mEaNiNg tO ThE wOrD "iNcOgNiTo" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought you portrayed a dark atmosphere quite well, however the formatting of the poem didn't quite match what I'd think of a dark poem to exemplify. I thought you did a good job as a whole and used some wonderful images, while keeping up the rhyme scheme, but for the most part some of the phrases used in the poem seemed a bit cliche(accent on the e  ) Anyway, I liked the poem. Hope to see more.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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