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LCBS
Senior Member

since 2001-11-29

Posts 532
Connecticut

0 posted 2002-02-02 01:07 PM

Don't ever say you know me
Until you've walked in my shoes
because you would be shattered
when you endured my abuse

Don't ever say I have it easy
Until you've lived my life
because you would be battered
when dealing with my strife

Don't ever say you love me
Until you've heard all my tales
Because you would be tattered
by the stories I bewail

Don't ever say you hate me
Until you've seen into my soul
Because you would be haggard
from the times that I condole

hey, I had a lot of trouble rhyming here, so feel free to give me any advice on rewriting some verses! Thanks a lot.....

LCBS

I was drowning in my own tears, until you threw me a life preserver

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-02-02 01:13 PM

I really like the first lines of each stanza, and the thoughts you convey.....I don't have any ideas on what to change, I thought it was fine as is

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-02-02 03:51 PM

I enjoyed this a lot...thanks for sharing and i dont think there is any need to change n e thing

BoOsH bOoSh nApoLE

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

3 posted 2002-02-02 10:32 PM

I agree, the ryhming (excuse my spelling) in this poem was just fine. It is an excelent poem, on par with the others I have read from you. You sent a message that many would do well to remember. (Man, do i sound creepy tonight.....)

After Love comes Pain, then Love, Then Pain, then Love, then Pain..... does anyone else see a pattern here? Oh well, can't say it's not worth it.

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

4 posted 2002-02-04 01:34 AM

LCBS,

I have to wholeheartedly agree. Your message in this wonderful poem was fantastic. Thank you for sharing.

Dawn

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

5 posted 2002-02-04 04:13 PM

This was a really powerful poem. Does anyone else wish that there were more words to rhyme w/ life?? Great job here though. I look forward to more.

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