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Teen Poetry #5

Untitled for now.

aaron woodside
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 256

0 posted 2002-02-01 05:29 AM

I've been working on this one for a while.It's just this idea that came to me one day and got stuck in my head.Truth is I really do wanna be able to do this someday.Sigh...

For you, my Love, I would only ask
let me do this and this alone
willing, this simple amourous task
to hope that all I feel is shown

This simple thing of no consequence
one hundred fold would I do to see
a smile upon your face, forever hence
my sweet, your inamorato's duty

smitten my darling, I am with you
and knowing that you feel quite the same
this once I promise myself to be true
you and our love, never put to shame

so when you look at me yearning
no matter how strange it may seem
at 2 o'clock in the morning
I WANT to go get you ice cream.

ex animo,
Aaron

There are no great men, only men in great circumstances.

[This message has been edited by aaron woodside (02-03-2002 04:45 AM).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

1 posted 2002-02-01 07:06 AM

nicely done aaron...it reflects the wontoness of the hopeless romantic. i think you conveyed your "willingness" to go out of your way to do your Loves' bidding well.

rhyme scheme was great but you lacked a certain pizzaz in your conclusion. if you were trying to be cute then i would suggest a change of title. giving away the "punchline" straight up ruined the experiance for me.

good poem though, it has great potential.

eyes...........feeel...D
rooop
Y
..zzzzz...

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-02-01 02:49 PM

Really cute poem aaron

I liked it..keep em coming!

BoOsH bOoSh nApoLE

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

3 posted 2002-02-02 01:42 PM

Awwww!! that's all I can say it was quite cute and sweet and all those nice adjectives and so forth=) I really truly liked it..

Kristen

~With one kiss you can strip me defenseless..~

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