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Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2002-01-21 11:27 PM



He sits rocking on his bedroom floor,
Knees tucked to his chest,
Trying to make sense of all
The things he should have guessed.

Clad in but a shirt and jeans,
Sweat soaked through and through,
He sits there rocking back and forth,
Wishing he knew what to do.

He wipes away a silent tear,
Then takes a knife in hand,
Runs a finger 'long the blade;
Why can’t they understand?

He gives a saddened smile
As his finger seeps with blood,
Just a scratch, a soothing cut;
No worse than dirt or mud.

His hands begin to tremble
As he set the jack knife down,
He pushes it; away, away,
And lets his sorrow drown.


-----------
Part 3 of my Crooked Halos series....I can't post Part 2, because it delves too far down the path of suicide. If you want to read it, you can find contact info for me in the profile thingy.

-Adam

"If life is so significant, then why do we die?"

© Copyright 2002 Adam Kamerer - All Rights Reserved
xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
1 posted 2002-01-21 11:56 PM


Aww i wish you could post it here..maybe u should think about writing a more "pip" friendly version of part 2 just a thought!!

I really liked part 3 though..i enjoyed it a lot..keep em comin!

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
2 posted 2002-01-22 07:48 AM


Actually, I am intended to re-write part two because I'm really not satisfied with the way it turned out. I intend to keep the same suicidal overtones, but if it turns out different and pip friendly, I'll post it.

-Adam

"If life is so significant, then why do we die?"

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2002-01-23 02:39 PM


This is really well-written!  I loved the message... I thought in the beginning this would be a glorification of suicide.  I'm glad it's not

I really like the meter and the rhyme you've put in here.  It's consistant, and overall, very well done.

Nice work!  I enjoyed this..

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
4 posted 2002-01-23 09:15 PM


Though suicide is a very real and serious issue in my life, I hope none of my poetry comes off as glorifying it. If anything, I hope it makes the reader dislike the issue as much as I do, and yet be intrigued by it enough to keep in mind long enough to seriously sit down and think the prospect of it out and why they as a person have chosen not to take the path so many others have.

The Crooked Halos series is supposed to be an exploration into the realm of sorrow and sadness. As such, suicide will be a reoccuring theme in the poetry due to it's close relationship with extreme depression. If any of the poems come off as glorifying suicide, then I'm afraid that is simply the reader's perception of it; I do not intend for any of my poems to glorify nor support the act of suicide as a good option.

This poem deals with the beginning stages of self-mutilation....cutting oneself.

-Adam

"If life is so significant, then why do we die?"

Voiceless
Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind
5 posted 2002-01-24 11:47 PM


I love these,
and i know what you mean
about not wanting to
make suicide look good,
i used to write a lot
of this kind of stuff but
i have been pushing it back
in hopes of not causing anything.
But I love reading yours!

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

AngelPoet87
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
6 posted 2002-01-26 06:51 PM


Love this one.. the end message is gravy... though the whole self mutilation thing is.. something I won't put on here, but respond to on MSN rather.. anyway.. I really like this one, you did a gravy job.. you've gotta email me the second poem!

Ali

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. J'ai t'adore. Je t'aime.

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
7 posted 2002-02-01 08:11 AM


oye...i went searching for the missing number two...and i couldnt find it! ....until i read the little note a'course

*sigh*....again....i love this.....really sad yes....but loved the ending ....send me II if youre free..

eyes...........feeel...D
                        rooop
                             Y
..zzzzz...

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2002-02-02 05:38 AM


Oh wowsers. I haven't read some fantabulous dark poetry in AGES and this really makes coming back worthwhile. You always did have a flare for writing pieces that spark the creative juices.

Very cool imagery and the way it read through was so good that it didn't skip a beat. I know someone that would love this piece so I hope you don't mind if I show them. I'm connecting with it so she will.

Thanks for the read. Very much enjoyed.

~AF~

If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life.

LCBS
Senior Member
since 2001-11-29
Posts 532
Connecticut
9 posted 2002-02-02 01:15 PM


Adam-
I, like you have a poem that may "glorify suicide."  These poems are not meant to do that, I feel they are more to educate people that what they feel is a part of these lovely teen years.....I would love to read the second part, and hope you can make it more pip friendly...excellent poem!

LCBS

I was drowning in my own tears, until you threw me a life preserver

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