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Teen Poetry #5

Drowning

Watergun*Angel
New Member

since 2001-12-20

Posts 8
La la land

0 posted 2002-01-20 09:29 PM

I'm drowning in my thoughts
I'm drowning in my mind
I'm drowning in my heart

I'm drowning by only you

Your drowning me by your eyes
Your drowning me by your wildness
Your drowning me by your smile

Your drowning me with everything about you.

Ok I know this poem really sucks but it was one that i just thought up. So just tell me the truth about it.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

1 posted 2002-01-20 09:41 PM

Powerful words! (And no, this doesn't suck in the slightest...) I really enjoyed the turn-around of the words in the second stanza from the first. An interesting change. The only thing I would correct are the beginnings of each line in the second stanza to "you're" instead of "your". That gets distracting

I enjoyed this. I haven't seen you around Teen much, so I look forward to reading more from you.
Well done!

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-01-20 11:46 PM

I liked it too...it was powerful and full of emotion..nicely done

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Watergun*Angel
New Member

since 2001-12-20

Posts 8
La la land

3 posted 2002-01-22 07:36 PM

Hey thanx of saying all of that. You made me change my mind about this poem. I think it is good myself now.

*Sarah*

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