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Beautiful Eyes
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Beautiful Eyes |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
A window, posessed by her trembling theigh As she sat there in awe at the stars in the sky, Became her companion, her port to her dreams That lie in the shadows till she awakens in screams. The halo above her lustrious hair Shone ivory moons that hung without care Enchantment surrounded each bittersweet sigh And her beautiful eyes... ...her beautiful eyes... Her beautiful eyes surpassed the stars in the sky. A pillow so soft that it slept upon heads That lay frightfully still in goose feather beds Was taken to Earth using marionette strings And were mistaken for feathers of soft angel wings. Curious minds played curious tricks In a little girl's mind, her eyes they transfixed To wish upon wish, each one would come true Yet all of them left her so she would pursue. Illusion, illusion, mirage of mirage, Mirror these things that create a collage Of wishes and dreams in a heavenly light That changed a girl's view of one bright, starry night. + + + + + Remember I said something about a surprise? Well...  ...*WAAAH!* I can't find it. *wiffle~~* *hits herself* I don't know where I last put it, but it was all ready and done. So I decided to just go on with the post. *sigh* I'm sorry. But you people still won't know what the surprise was...unless you can guess. ^_^-Li Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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| © Copyright 2002 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Oh, Leah... a beautiful post! I got lost when you started talking about a surprise...  I don't quite know what you're talking about. But I'm glad you shared this poem with us... now, what I thought... hehe..The first stanza was absolutely beautiful! The first three lines made me expect a poem about beauty of the stars, but then that last line, "That lie in the shadows till she awakens in screams." completely threw me. I wasn't expecting that. Before I go on with the stanzas, I want to say that I am always left in awe by the meter you use in your poetry. It's always flawless... it's very inspiring... makes me want to write that way! The second stanza was beautiful! The imagery was kick-arse! "The halo above her lustrious hair/Shone ivory moons that hung without care." That was very impressive. The opening to the fourth stanza I loved. This stanza was my favorite... the twist the poem takes is unexpected. But enthralling... "Curious minds played curious tricks." The last stanza was a wonderful ending. The repetition of words not only worked wonderful with the rhythm, but created an interesting effect with the following lines. (Especially mentioning the mirror in the second line of the stanza after the repitition... very cool.) "Illusion, illusion, mirage of mirage/Mirror these things that create a collage." All-in-all, a beautifull written poem, Leah. Once again, you have impressed me, and gone far beyond expectations. There's one place for a poem like this... *click* Straight into the library. I hope you post more soon. This poem just reminds me of what I've been missing. *hugs* --Marie I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone. |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
damn this was a great poem. i basically agree with everything marie says =) beautiful post leah, i always enjoy reading your work. -bergundy- maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio- |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wow this is so beautiful! I love how you wrote this...amazing job leah!! yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
oh Leah.....that was awesome, I love it *sniffles* It was so beautiful, I know i've said this before, but I say it again, I really envy you and your ability to come out with these awesome pieces of work. If someone said, "Write a sentence about your life," I'd write "I want to go outside and play." |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
my goodness this was beautiful..absolutely beautiful. ahh i dont even know what to say lol loved it  **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
My my my, my insane little friend is a master poet as well. I must admit, this is one of the first I've read of yours *nods* and I think that is quite amiss. Wonderfully done Leah-chic! Especially these lines: Illusion, illusion, mirage of mirage, Mirror these things that create a collage Of wishes and dreams in a heavenly light That changed a girl's view of one bright, starry night. Again, beautiful work here. You're great. Titus |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"The halo above her lustrious hair Shone ivory moons that hung without care Enchantment surrounded each bittersweet sigh And her beautiful eyes... ...her beautiful eyes... Her beautiful eyes surpassed the stars in the sky." This is beauty within poetry writing...simply related to those verse; Of which i call upon memory of something so distant now. *sigh* I LOVE your writing and always will, Li... "Dont piss me off. Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (02-06-2002 02:17 AM).] |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wow, i really liked this one, it had good imagery and nice details. it flowed nicely also. bye   |
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
I love it... Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial) |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
"A window, posessed by her trembling theigh As she sat there in awe at the stars in the sky, Became her companion, her port to her dreams That lie in the shadows till she awakens in screams." i love that stanza...it was so intriguing...another great piece from you leah...i love the imagery within this. you always do such a great job of painting the most vivid of pictures. thanks for sharing this life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have. |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Chasing rain, I loved this. It was very beautiful. Dawn |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
Leah.. you are by far, the best damn writer. This was simply amazing. Haven't read anything in awhile that could surpass this. You :always: just show so much talent and depth in your work. I've always enjoyed reading from you and it's always a pleasure. I envy your skill hun. Fantastic post and it's going into my library to join your others. Keep writing. *hugs* tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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Hot_black_angel16 New Member
since 2002-02-12
Posts 5CT, USA |
love it. I don't know what to say it's that good |
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aaron woodside Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 256 |
I guess I'm a little late to give anything relating to an in-depth response, since Marie kinna covered that already. I really liked the last stanza, it was simply amazing. I also liked the lines in the second stanza where you repeated the title of your poem. All in all a great post, hope to read more soon. ex animo, Aaron There are no great men, only men in great circumstances. |
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