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Teen Poetry #5
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DragonFang
Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA

0 posted 2002-01-13 11:25 PM


All around
Darkness surround
All I see
Darknnes around me

A way escape
This place that I hate
A ray of light
In eternal night

Shining clear
From a broken mirror
Confusing more
A way to a door

http://www.heisen.net Peace Through War, it is beginning!


© Copyright 2002 Samson C. Justice - All Rights Reserved
mistic
Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.
1 posted 2002-01-13 11:35 PM


Sam... baby this is sad... and is going to make me sad too... NO writing depressing poetry, only I can do that :P cheer up pwease, for me? i love you...
Mon Cherie
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Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
2 posted 2002-01-14 12:08 PM


Wow... this sounds really sad! I hope everything will work out fine for you.

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

TigerZ
Member
since 2002-01-02
Posts 83
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2002-01-14 06:51 AM


Woh...lots of emotion coming through.  I hope things get better.  Nice poem though

A life without loveā€¦is no life at all.

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
4 posted 2002-01-14 04:05 PM


This ones got a ton of emotion...::hugs::

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2002-01-16 07:56 PM


This is pretty good.  I really liked the rhyme scheme, it made the short lines read very easily.  The ending, however, seemed kind of abrupt to me.  The end seemed to come prematurely.  Maybe you could add on a little?  I would be interested in the product of that

I enjoyed this!  I look forward to seeing more, hopefully soon

--Marie

'Things are getting worse but I feel a lot better... and that's all that really matters to me.'

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