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Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

0 posted 2002-01-13 08:38 PM

Within the crystal spectrum
beyond the freezing cold
found within a world of wonder
but once again alone.
Shocked beneath the surface
numbed by endless lies
this is what can happen to
all those that dream
when no one hears their cries..

(any suggestions on a title? I was thinking
"Fall of the Believers" but I really don't have
a clue!)

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

inspiredpoetwriter
Member

since 2002-01-05

Posts 104
Minnesota

1 posted 2002-01-13 08:54 PM

ok well how about *untruthful lies* for a title of ur poem... well plz check out mah NEW poem!!!!!!!! Title: I’m Trying I’m Wanting

-k- thnx!

~~inspiredpoetwriter~~

¥¤¥¤¥¥¤¥¤¥iM a PoEt WhO wRiTeZ Wit HeR Heart ¥¤¥¤¥¥¤¥¤¥

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2002-01-13 10:24 PM

I thought this poem was amazing...i was thinking "What Lies Beneath"...like the movie lol...i enjoyed it a lot well written!

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

Mon Cherie

Senior Member

since 2001-10-31

Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers

3 posted 2002-01-14 12:23 PM

Something in this poem made me read it over and over again. I think it's the picture of freezing water beneath a layer of ice. I read a short story about that a few dayz back, and it made me rather reflective.

This layer of ice over water makes one wonder if there is life beneath the surface. It seems to also signify a stagnant period for the water beneath to rejuvenate. So, fear not when your dreams are not heard, for it's a matter of time. As long as you persist, and continue to dream, you may find them fulfilled one day.

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

4 posted 2002-01-14 06:40 PM

Thanks you guys!
It is good to know somebody read it!
I am loving the title ideas...
Hmmmmm...

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2002-01-16 09:49 PM

This is excellent work..

I really liked the images you portray. Very dismal... I like those types of images. And the metre you use is fantastic. I loved the way it flowed, but the second-to-last line doesn't work... the words fit perfectly, but the rhyme scheme gets off, or something, and the poem loses it's flow. That's the only critique I have for you here...

As for the title, I think "Fall of the Believers" is a very good one.

Well done! And much enjoyed!

--Marie

'Things are getting worse but I feel a lot better... and that's all that really matters to me.'

HiddenSparklez
Member

since 2000-12-29

Posts 190
British Columbia, Canada

6 posted 2002-01-17 03:31 AM

Great poem indeed, short and right to the point! The only title I can come up with is, "Deaf Trap". (Don't ask me why, but that's just what pops into my noggin') Don't matter tho, a poem is a poem with or without the title I think.

"You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear

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