navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » i need an interesting topic to get more responses...any help?
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic i need an interesting topic to get more responses...any help? Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
SlowDrag
Member
since 2002-01-10
Posts 53
Tx...need i say more

0 posted 2002-01-13 01:22 AM


This is entirely a work of fiction, just for the record lol


I had never been,
quite so scared.
But a little voice inside of me
said "boy, you're prepared."

so this was it,
i found my nerve.
and to my surprise the words came out.
and i trembled as i heard.

"i'm sorry,
i wish i could say yes,
i really must confess
that if i do
i just might fall in love with you.
But my heart,
is wanting to accept,
and i know i wont regret.
taking this chance,"
and so we shared a dance.
and it was real.

four years down the road,
we were eating lunch together.
i heard myself begin to say
"it should be you and me forever"

Before i even finished,
tears filled up her eyes,
as i pulled out the ring,
she said, to my surprised.

"i'm sorry,
i wish i could say yes,
i really must confess
that if i do
i might still be in love with you.
but my heart,
is wanting to accept,
and i know i wont regret,
living by your side,
for the rest of my life"
and it was real.

well money comes,
and money goes,
one thing remains the same.
many things can pass away,
but love always remains.

The doctor says,
her time has come.
and i hold her hand as she looks up
to face the morning sun.

then she looks at me and asks
"will you still love me when i'm gone?"
and we both begin to cry,
as i sing to her this song,

"I'm sorry,
i wish i could say yes,
i really must confess,
that if i do,
i will always love you.
but my heart
is longing to accept,
and i know i wont regret,
making you this vow,
i'm promising you now,
this is real"

Of all the people i admire, the one who can make me laugh i admire the most.

© Copyright 2002 Eric - All Rights Reserved
TigerZ
Member
since 2002-01-02
Posts 83
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2002-01-13 01:46 AM


This is an absolutely wonderful poem and I really liked it.  Thanks for posting it...

A life without loveā€¦is no life at all.

SlowDrag
Member
since 2002-01-10
Posts 53
Tx...need i say more
2 posted 2002-01-13 01:54 AM


umm, yeah thanks
i would just like to state for the record,
this is a song, not a poem....and i knw i know,
songs are just poems with music.
not true
there's just a different feeling, different rythm to songs than poems, poems allow you to be more expressive, while songs allow you to be more enchanting or something.. lol
anyhow, this is a song, so just imagine it that way if you can

Of all the people i admire, the one who can make me laugh i admire the most.

Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
3 posted 2002-01-13 05:10 AM


Either a poem or a song its a really great piece of work!!!

i'm promising you now,
this is real"

That is the best part!!! Thanks for sharing this piece!!!

If you want something very badly, set it free. If it comes back to you, its yours forever, if it doesnt, it was never yours to begin with"

Mon Cherie
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
4 posted 2002-01-13 12:21 PM


It was rather sweet when I read the proposal part "It should be you and me forever"
But the ending is so sad...

_,,,^.^,,,_
Florence

Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
5 posted 2002-01-14 07:56 PM


This is well-written...  I enjoyed it

The response problem?  It doesn't matter what topic you write about.  If you reply to everyone else's stuff, then people will feel more inclined to reply back to yours.

Just a suggestion

Enjoyed, as always.

--Marie

"It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows)

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » i need an interesting topic to get more responses...any help?

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary