Reading between the bones - Poet deVine's challenge

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anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

0 posted 2002-01-11 12:43 PM

Reading between the bones

Hourglass figures taunt the mirrors
Overly stretched upon paper walls.
Wastefully, remains of plastic attitudes are tossed
Carefully breaking sincerities holler.
Although a hue does dispend
Night alignments with bloody stars
Triumph comes with self-preservation
Heeded only by alluring princesses'
Eventually the steel cabin opens to a
Youthful looking cabaret of dancers
Under the sky a sign simply flashes
"Now open for business."
Drab colour schemes were meant to inspire
Eager waifs to dispel their pain
Rather, these free spirits were caught in a net and
Strung out like a pictorial for Doctors education.
Taunts could still be heard beyond the cabin
As acid dripped from their weary mouths.
Novices' took to their stage in efforts to clamp
Down on minds of different paths.
Weathered angels with offbeat hearts
Heard the call of their master; god
Astute as ever, oiled in perfection
They wandered down the path to personal glory
Thoughts from demons in white coats
Halted the process to a better place
Eventually wearing down the 'grim' figures
Yearning for that slice of pure sanity.
Doors once again flew open
Only this time, the cabin was available to the media
Naïve in all their credited fame
Toting coloured projectors.
Keen looks in the eyes of the 'helpers' left only
Neurotic thoughts in the brains
Of overly exposed 'sickies' trying to
Wriggle their way to a superior kind of freedom.
?

---------

We had to write a piece on an article that has been in the news recently. Mine is located here. It's on the new Eating Disorder centre recently opened in Melbourne. If you look at the piece closely enough, you'll see it's an acrostic.

~AF~

If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

1 posted 2002-01-11 01:32 PM

Superb!!! This is well done. Acrostics are very hard to pull off but you did it with ease.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2002-01-11 01:43 PM

*blown away* Wow. this is totally an amazing piece. [well, obviously its a poem with the name "Elizabeth J." on it, ne?

] its VERY let me think...*thinks* very discriptive and wonderful usage of symbolisms' in here...the words in this piece holds power in and somewhat meaning in each and every breath read.

indeed heartfelt and quite emotion filled...overall its hard for me to choose But..."As acid dripped from their weary mouths." so REAL even though its a real situation pictured as imagery...your truly talented since whatever you write it comes out not less; amazing. Im glad to come back and see a piece by you...it reminds me what poetry is all about.

Oh yea, forgot about the whole arcostic...simply adds to my comment above...me and ME short memory.

[HeHe]

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (01-11-2002 02:08 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2002-01-12 01:40 AM

Ooooo la la an acrostic!!! I like hun!!!! Great job

yOu GeT wAt u PaId 4 bUt i JuS hAd nO..iNtEnTion oF liVin tHis waY --Counting crows

PÙÑKŸ BRËW§†ÊR
New Member

since 2002-01-09

Posts 7
i'll never tell muhahaha

4 posted 2002-01-12 04:31 AM

WOW IS THAT YOU'RE REAL NAME?

i fear for i am feared!! hmmmm who i am is a mystery! i am not new just wanted a new name.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

5 posted 2002-01-12 12:25 PM

Wooo hoooo Lizzy!!!!
Lovin this one.
You always write with such reality...and such eloquence.

hehe
Eating disorders are nothing to fool with...
and yet they are the scary truth for many.

Great job hon wonderful as usual

Jenn

"You are the strength, that keeps me walking- you are the hope that keeps me trusting."

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2002-01-14 06:57 PM

Oh, Lizzy. This is beautifully written, with so much truth. The images you portrayed were heartwrenching... this brought tears to my eyes.

This is a hard subject to write about... a hard subject to talk about. But you did it with such ease, and the product of it is fantastic. (Psst - I even printed it out.)

Wonderful work... I will email you with more

Loved it.

--Marie

"It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows)

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

7 posted 2002-01-14 07:32 PM

*Jumps and waves* That's me
Bel

TigerZ
Member

since 2002-01-02

Posts 83
Ontario, Canada

8 posted 2002-01-14 07:41 PM

Absolutely wonderful piece...BRAVO!

A life without love…is no life at all.

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

9 posted 2002-01-14 09:21 PM

YES!!! now THAT IS ALTERNATIVE POETRY!!! I LOVE IT!!!! wicked job,,,,

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2002-01-15 12:19 PM

Doh, its "anonymousfemale". what you expect? people these days...*shakes head*

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

11 posted 2002-01-15 03:07 AM

hey alby *hugs*

i have a wish but only a certain guy can fufill it!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

12 posted 2002-01-15 01:45 PM

acrostic poetry is very hard to do well, but you did a really beautiful job with this piece. i always enjoy reading your work, so keep posting your poetry

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

13 posted 2002-01-15 02:03 PM

Woah! ok so I'm not orginal today..stupid flu..but it was brillant..=) it truly was..it gets me right here..*hits her chest* hehe darn now im coughing again:P

Kristen

~Ice is thin, come on dive in underneath my lucid skin...~

Roberta Little
Junior Member

since 2001-12-18

Posts 42
beloit wi usa

14 posted 2002-01-17 01:36 PM

~AF~
that was soo cool!!

i'd love to be that good thanks 4 posting.

[This message has been edited by Roberta Little (01-17-2002 01:38 PM).]

mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

15 posted 2002-01-17 02:53 PM

... one word: awesome!

*is completely speechless right now*

into my library it goes...

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