navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » in time
Teen Poetry #5
Post A Reply Post New Topic in time Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
prov1717
Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74
NE

0 posted 2001-12-26 01:40 PM



in time...deaths hand caught his soul and threw it in the sky

in time...she blamed herself and wished too to die

in time...she found a perfect way, emotional suicide

in time...she knew her blame was falsh, but pain she could not hide

in time...her angry voice screamed "life you are not fair"

in time...life gently said "did i leave you nothing there"

in time...she saw with minds eye his fragile constitution

in time...she forgave him and his ultimate solution

in time...death caught his sould and threw it in the sky

in time...she softly whispered "my father, friend, goodbye"

© Copyright 2001 ljm - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-12-26 03:13 PM


this is a fantastic write, I like the repeating of "in time" heart felt .....
Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
2 posted 2001-12-26 04:56 PM


I like the repition!  Very interesting way to write this.  I like the piece.  It's stylistic, and unique.  Well done!

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

prov1717
Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74
NE
3 posted 2001-12-26 05:15 PM


i appreciate you two commenting on my piece
xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
4 posted 2001-12-26 08:21 PM


WOW!!! Oh wow i dont even know what to say...great piece!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #5 » in time

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary