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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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A bit of a long one...Merry Christmas  Brand a head with hat-like blue, Slip into a frothy glove Nodding head to beasty heat, Wipe a nose and breath withdrawl Clutch the knob with slipping grip, Meditate on task before Step, withold a frosting breath Close in nostrils, turning, red Shake a head with hair-like moss, Step and slip, regain control Careless, stroll into the mists Learnings are too bright for now Come to pass that which is white, Speckled mites for carryon Wonder at the crusting snip Close, no touching, must withdrawl Farther streaming, shoe-worn feet Echoing, a squeaking rust Lean and trust a silent hold I have no repentance now... Quickened faith, a pace, withdrawn Peaceless shadow lingers past Spread the distance close between Reach the box and then collapse Straighten eye to view the bright Lightless gleaming, follow due Fail...and enter, mere to spite I have no repentance now |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
punkrockerrobin
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180Sparks, NV |
very good wording but i really don't understand it. nice piece. robin repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created! |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*applauds*  Carlita, this would have to be one of your strongest pieces you've ever written. Knowing your viewpoint on this incident really makes it well known your true feelings. The wording is spectacular and everything you have described is done with such grace it leaves you speechless. Definitely one for the library. Once again, you have rendered my praise useless for there is no amount of glorification that I could give that would justify this piece. Excellent job. Keep 'em coming. ~AF~ If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
CARLY!!!  This is BEAUTIFUL! The imagery is amazing... and the language you use is incredible. This piece reminds me why I miss your poetry so much. Your talent amazes me with every piece I read. The power of the poem is evident with every word that's read. Very nice work.. Enjoyed, as always, Carly... and please, come back and visit SOON! I miss you, hunny!  --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Whoops... I forgot to press the button...  Love you! If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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[Ice Box] Junior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 21Canada |
[This message has been edited by [Ice Box] (12-26-2001 04:32 PM).] |
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[Ice Box] Junior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 21Canada |
This is incredibly well written. Strong in both expression and in language. I really thought this was well done! You've impressed me! Congrats on the great post! *smiles* [Ice Box] Beneath. [This message has been edited by [Ice Box] (12-26-2001 04:29 PM).] |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this Carly, the language and descriptions are just divine. The rythmn was great and it's just perfect. Definitely going in the library. Keep up the great writing. Zu The silence is more beautiful than you will ever know |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
*cheers* carlay be postin! woot woot heh ive read this several times now and each time i do i like it more. it flows greatly much. and the wordin you use is ooo so good. u always were good with words mz carlay. sooo good job and dont fall in the snow and keep postin/writin gawsh darn it! wub you mucho much sweetie *slurp*  tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Carlita!! Ok, this needs to be moved up to Page one or something because it rocks too much to sink. more people should see it. READ PEOPLE!!!! If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life. |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Ohh wow teach me to write like you!!! I'm beside myself..woah as you can tell I simply LOVE IT!!! =) amazing truly madly deeply amazing.. Love, Kristen [This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (12-29-2001 01:43 PM).] |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
this poem has such a great rhythm and you were so descriptive, great imagery, great everything keep it up, i hope to read more of your stuff..... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
((bump))  "It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows) |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you know, you still are one of the best wirters in here geez girl, where do you get these ideas i need for you t teach me write hope to talk to you again soon later là où est mon amour? |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Wow, hehe...it's back. Hello, poem. robin - Thanks for the compliment...I guess if it wasn't understood, I did my job.  Widabeff - Wowsers, didn't expect it to be liked that much...thanks for understanding the whole dillio. And thanks for, well, everything...we need to talk more.. Marie - I forgive you, dearie.  *visits* Thanks for the praise...as with that chick above, we need to talk more...Ice Box - A stranger, hmmm. I guess I can forgive you, as well. Thanks for the praise; t'was much appreciated. Mr. Zu - Yo, homie. Your reply means muchos to moi..thanks for da compliments..ppssstt..post more..i read... Tiffer - Too bad it wasn't about what you originally thought, eh? Woulda been a bit too 'over-the-top' for teen, as we say. (tee hee) Thanks tons for the reply and everything else...*hugsss and much love to ya* Kristen - Thanks for the love! As far as teaching goes...msn: carl2lee@hotmail.com. Pay me and I might give some pointers. Prov - Thanks for the praise...I try, I really do. hehe Acire - Hey! Who're you?! Miss you, man... Now let's take a little lesson here. 1. Get off yer butt. 2. Go outside. 3. Go for a walk. 4. Close your eyes and breathe. 5. Come back inside, pick up that pencil lying on the desk. You're not going to type. 6. Write. See? Simple simple. Thanks again, everybody...you know I love you and miss you bunches...  ~Carly "Hey! The oven's on!" "Kari! The oven's on!" "I know, Jim! I'm baking something!" [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (01-21-2002 08:07 PM).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
who's me?  là où est mon amour? |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Awwwww I was just kiddin dearie!!  "Hey! The oven's on!" |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
Amazing expression and the language is so beautiful. Im glad that you shared and giving me a chance to read what I forgot about for a long time... "Quickened faith, a pace, withdrawn Peaceless shadow lingers past Spread the distance close between Reach the box and then collapse" VERY well written and hope to see more from ya, Carly. ^_^ "Dont piss me off. Im runing out of places to hide the bodies." [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (02-06-2002 02:03 AM).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i read this twice over and then once again (making that three times cherish d'uh). the the first and second of which i soaked in your imagery and the third of which absorbed the content. together they left me chilled. this piece is haunting me. HAUNTING me d'ye'ear? you write VERY well carly, and this piece has got to be amongst your best. thank you so much for sharing this- its going straight past go and into the library girly. post more NOW! life's not about who wins or loses, or about whos got the better car,or the most money. it's about living,and trying to make the best of what we have. |
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