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TrueLUV
Member

since 2000-07-19

Posts 158
Connecticut, U.S.A.

0 posted 2001-12-24 04:10 PM

One night I walked along the evening sea
And dreampt a dream that could not be
So extraordinary I felt the mystery of the deep blue sea.
Alone I was with so many unanswered questions
And then I heard.
It was the sea,
She asked me dreamer show me your necessity
Show me all that you wish for all the questions
Which you so longed the answers for.
Then with caution I began to speak careful not to get in too deep.
I asked the ever flowing current why have you chosen me?
Tell me why am I filled with such sleepless nights
Tell me why my mind is so tuned to its own reality
The deep blue sea then replied with a heavy plunge toward me.
I heard the echo of the sea it said dreamer it was meant to be.
And now dreamer, dream no more
And look beneath the mother earth you stand on
And as the flowers crept beaneath mother earth to recieve the miracle of birth.
I wept in silence,
I understood that I was made with the power of good
That in this lifetime there is only one me, and that I will succeed in this lifetime and I would top the industry.
Alas I know now why I am hear, but something still was so unclear.
The evening sky turned a deep dark blue,
and before me was an angel in my view
She wispered softly in my ear
She said when love finds you, and as it nears return your love don't disappear
Love your woman and hold her dear
For her love is what will keep you here.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2001-12-24 06:10 PM

Great poem, I really enjoyed the read. I have one suggestion which you may totally ignore because I don't know anything... but I personally found you long lines very hard to cope with, I've read some of your other stuff and I see you like long lines but it's something that doesn't really work for me... anyway keep on posting

If I gave you $1 for every reply you might be rich, but looking at your post count I think not.

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

2 posted 2001-12-24 09:42 PM

This is awesome!
I personally tend to do the long line
thing also, but as far as I am concerned
as long as you keep the flow going
there is nothing wrong with it at all!
It is a truly impressive and neat poem.

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2001-12-25 12:08 PM

"Tell me why my mind is so tuned to its own reality "

I absoutely LOVED that line in the poem...great write...i enjoyed it a lot! please keep your poems comin

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-12-26 10:19 AM

"Love your woman and hold her dear
For her love is what will keep you here."

I liek the way you opened the poem and closed the poem with rhyme. I would suggest, though, maybe detaching those last two lines, and making a couplet to end the poem. Just a suggestion

I enjoyed this, as always. Very well-written. Nice work.

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

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