Losing My Mind - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2001-12-23 02:58 AM

I’m trapped in this world     a life that can bind,
I can only be free      by losing my mind.
Swirling spiral     spinning me down,
Straight narrow roads     in a twisted town.
Dozens of faces     mangled     amused,
Eyes are so empty    lifeless      abused.
Stuck in a motion      gone round and round,
Acid rain      soaking the ground.
Pours down my cheek    drenching my clothes,
Turning my head        nobody knows.
Cancerous thing      gnawing at me,
Patiently       slowly     so none can see.

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
- Godsmack

"If who i am is what i have, and what i have is lost...then who am i?"
-unknown

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

1 posted 2001-12-23 03:54 AM

Wow.. you have a very special talent for writting this is an awsome piece I really loved it.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

2 posted 2001-12-23 03:54 AM

Wow.. you have a very special talent for writting this is an awsome piece I really loved it.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

3 posted 2001-12-23 03:38 PM

I liked this alot, you put alot of emotion into it. "Losing your mind" isn't such a fun experience, huh?

~*Nikki*~

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-12-25 12:42 PM

I use to feel this way all the time..tons of fun aint it? ha...yea right...great job in expressing yourself..nicely written and keep em coming

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

5 posted 2001-12-25 03:24 AM

i liked this poem a lot! great work!
robin

lauren you double poster you bad! *smacks hand* lol

repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created!

prov1717
Member

since 2001-12-26

Posts 74
NE

6 posted 2001-12-26 03:03 AM

i loved this poem, it flowed so good and i just well...i just liked it

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-12-26 01:00 PM

I like this poem, I think it's very well written, and you expressed yourself well. However, I think that instead of spaces in the lines, you should make whole new lines. The short lines will be an added effect for the poem.
JMHO..

Nicely done! I enjoyed the emotion and power. I hope to see more soon.

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

8 posted 2002-01-04 11:24 AM

Thanx for all the comments, it's a good feeling to know ppl like my work. As for the space in the lines... i tried it as short lines and didn't like the effect it got, i leave the spaces to represent pauses, length of the pause based on on much space. I thought using the spaces gave a lot more flexibility in the lines so that's what i went with...again, thanx for all the comments and help, it means alot to me.

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
-Godsmack
"If who i am is what i have, and what i have is lost...then who am i?"
-unknown

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.