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[Ice Box]
Junior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 21
Canada

0 posted 2001-12-22 07:09 PM

Uplift

...whispered softly
in my ear.
Inturrupted patience
Glancing back,
beyond a falling chasm...
perhaps it is only I
that falls.
Caustic substance
Flowing through the veins
So unforgiveable.
Mercy
Through the soundless lips
That...

"Stumbled in the darkness."

[We fall together.]

Show me Your hand

And I will catch you.

[Ice Box]

Dedicated to all those who are still searching.

ps- I wrote this about a week ago, while I was talking to a friend of mine. We spoke of the unending search for something we are naturally blind to. If it is too much to ask, I would like to know how this piece effected you, or if it didn't effect you at all. It would be greatly apprecitated.

pps- Thanks to Leah for lending me her thesaurus. *smile*

I guess we're even now, eh? *jingles*

ppps- Hehe, I'm getting carried away. Just for clarification: this poem is kind of based on the choice to rise or fall. The last line before the poem breaks into separate little lines can go back up to finish the sentence at the top, which is the choice to uplift. To fall, however, is if you continued to read the rest of the following lines without going back up to the top. Confusing? Yeah. I know I am. *Jingle* *grin* We must choose our own paths...

Hunger.

[This message has been edited by [Ice Box] (12-22-2001 09:16 PM).]

Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

1 posted 2001-12-22 07:41 PM

I'm really feeling this poem.
It definitly hit home with me.
........I'm still searching.......

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-12-22 11:28 PM

Ok I got a totally different meaning out of it and I don't think it was what you were aiming for.

What I got out of it is great. The falling is an experience that we have got to go through at least once.

~AF~

If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-12-22 11:33 PM

dude! i read it and i eventually went on and read it [which means i chose to fall.

*thinks* WOoHOO!!!]

Well, thats such a creative way of writing poetry...i like how you give the readers a choice differ from many poets...thats what makes your poems SO unquie. 0kay...for the poem...*when i was reading* the way you started it with an un-finished sentence intrigued me...VERY [which i will know what its about later].

The content itself is quite thought-provoking since within its vagueness the writer is trying to connect the poem with the reader[even if it means confusing them

]...i like how you ended it and the explanation at the end was perfect...simply amazing. i fully am uplifted in this read. Thanks for sharin' *jingles*

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-12-23 01:00 AM

WONDERFUL READ!!!!

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

5 posted 2001-12-23 07:18 PM

Ice!!! Ha, you hypocrite. All you ever do is hide your stuff from me. WELL BAH HA! I finally got YOU to post. ^^;;;

Now, what's the deal with the first line? Why'd you have to go and make it all...confusing? Hee. You know I'm kidding. ^_^ I thought that was so incredibly...wow.

The symbolism and the meaning here are kind of clear to me. What I think you're trying to say is that the chasm is...life? oO; A long unending tunnel of darkness, with only one end of light...?

"Perhaps it is only I that falls." This...was...a personal statement? That it isn't life's fault that you have fallen, but it is your own? ^^;

The "caustic substance" is sin. That, I think I got. ^__^ AM I RIGHT!? And it is unforgiveable, yet we are shown mercy through the "soundless lips" which would be the presence of...God. *nods* ^^

"[We fall together.]" No one is ever alone in bad times? o__O;

"Show me Your hand

And I will catch you."

so, what you're saying is that if we show God our hand, he will catch us when we fall, therefore forgiving us if we ever sin, yet we have to take the first initiative (sp?). We have to go to Him before He comes to us, because it's a personal decision? ICE!!! ^____^ Answer me. You told me about it before, but now, you have me thinking. I love this, I really do. Post!!!

++ Leah ++

ps- We're not even yet...you owe me a hot chocolate.

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

[This message has been edited by chasing rain (12-23-2001 07:19 PM).]

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