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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2001-12-22 10:41 AM

I could see it in your eyes,
you weren't jokin'.
I coud feel the anger,
in those words that were spoken.
I relived what you had said,
"he's taken my friend, now he's gonna pay."
As you walked up to him,
he just stood there, nothing did he say.
But then niether did you,
as you slapped him across the face.
He didn't speak a word,
he just stood in his place.
Again and again,
you shouted and you swore.
You hit him harder,
until he hit the floor.
But he got up again,
I seen his eyes flash.
The he started yelling,
and the battle of words began to clash.
You weren't letting him walk away,
uh uh, not this time.
You're giving him punishment,
as though his actions were a crime.
Though he did deserve,
everything he's gonna get.
This battle he's not gonna win,
on this you can bet!

~If u luv something, let it go,if it comes back 2 u, its urs, if it doesnt, it never wuz..~DMX

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

1 posted 2001-12-22 07:36 PM

I like narrative poetry because I'm always anxious to see the ending, and you ended this one very well!! Nice work here!!

~*Nikki*~

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-12-23 12:35 PM

OOooOOooOOoo I LIKED IT A LOT!!!! BRAVO

Awesome poem..i read it a couple of times and i jus got so into it...terrfic job!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-12-23 09:07 AM

Booya!! The passion in this seriously rocks! I could totally see this guy getting slapped in the face. Now THAT is rewarding.

Thanks for sharing. Remember to reply to others work also, please.

~AF~

If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life.

Jenabou
Member

since 2000-06-13

Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA

4 posted 2001-12-23 07:17 PM

You painted a very clear image in my mind with this one
Wondefully written
great job

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you. Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member

since 2001-08-17

Posts 495
LI, New York

5 posted 2001-12-23 08:35 PM

It's so extremely vivid and clear! Very well written. I love it.

-Rich

Don't Drink and Park!
Accidents may cause People!

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