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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-12-17 01:13 AM

this river called life
sweeps me away
i can't get my footing
slipping in the clay
the currents over power
as i sink to my knees
and feel the cold water
above me
below me
surrounded by it's deep power
i close my eyes
and let it pull me away...
away from this life
that i once knew
away from this sorrow
inflicted by you
away from the feelings
that make me cry
away from your words
that held only lies

-bergundy-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 12-18-2001).]

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

1 posted 2001-12-17 08:44 PM

This is a really awsome poem one of the best I have read lately.I loved it keep up the great work.
Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

2 posted 2001-12-18 01:14 AM

thanks lauren! lol i feel all happy that someone actually replied, hurrah! it's kool to hear other people's opinion on stuff. well bye bye!
-bergundy-

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

3 posted 2001-12-18 10:01 AM

I thought this poem was really good...it really expressed how you feel and thats great

I enjoyed it a lot..nice job and keep em coming!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Alyssa

Member

since 2001-05-30

Posts 385
IM ENGAGED!!!!!

4 posted 2001-12-18 05:57 PM

lol ur critique message reminds me of the song control by puddle of mudd
anyways back to the poem...
interesting it is..yes i enjoyed it

....Handle with care...

lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

5 posted 2001-12-18 09:33 PM

this is a great piece, keep writing!
-Joe

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

6 posted 2001-12-20 01:01 AM

aye, thanks again everyone =) although it feels like i am replying the most to my own stuff...lol oh well, i'm just bored.
-bergundy-

maybe i'll catch fire, something nice to warm me. something pure to burn away the darkness, that hides inside my mind. -alkaline trio-

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-12-24 07:09 PM

i think you expressed yourself as you would have liked the situation to be put into words...i liked the poem.

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

Pixie-Babe03
Member

since 2000-08-29

Posts 387
Central Maine

8 posted 2001-12-24 08:10 PM

wow... awesome poem! can't wait to see more from you!

prov1717
Member

since 2001-12-26

Posts 74
NE

9 posted 2001-12-26 02:18 PM

hey this is a great poem, i can relate, keep them coming!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

10 posted 2001-12-26 03:37 PM

Wow, this is a very well-written poem. You expressed some pretty heavy emotions here, and you did it well. I loved the ending. It closed very well.. and I enjoyed the metaphor as a whole. Job well done!

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

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