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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-12-15 12:33 PM

Meteors

She says softly
   flashes of perfect scratched on an
                      otherwise blank sky
         I know something is there

You can see the sky's blitzes in her
      puddles of lps
Smiling and breaking surface
     rippling to the tips

She will refresh
what you thought growing
All on the insides of
everloving

      The Fog settles in around YouandMe
      with a breech of Breath on silent cat's feet

Even I forget shooting stars
    when she falls
               asleep in my arms

We lay warm forever
A bond refusing to sever
         I know something is there

  ...the night passes on
       neglecting to say goodbye
  and another dusty morning
       All but catches in her eye

light lovers dream
    a smooth miracle of dawn
I know something is here
                it was never gone
-----------------------------------
I'm sorry I've been taking so many leaves of absence lately; I apologize to my fans (all two of you).  Don't worry, I'm still here

Mwahahahahaha!

"and Death i think is no paranthesis"-e.e. cummings

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-12-15 12:53 PM

That was an excellent poem. It was very beautifully written.
Jon

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

Sherri
New Member

since 2001-12-15

Posts 5

2 posted 2001-12-15 12:58 PM

I think your poem is really great. I found it really touching. Good job, keep the good work up!!

MindlessPoet
Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 106
Texas

3 posted 2001-12-15 04:06 AM

aww..

I liked that one. "Even I forget shooting stars when she falls asleep in my arms." The only thing that ever fell asleep in mine was a kitten.. lol.

Keep it up.

For now, all I can do is dream.

[Ice Box]
Junior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 21
Canada

4 posted 2001-12-15 02:13 PM

Fozzy Ozzy

Nice name. Hehe.
This was nicely done! I real work of art! I take it you saw a meteor shower?
All good things were inter-mixed here: Ya got yourself a bit o' romance, a lil bit o' night time, a lil bit o' day time...and lossa creativity! Especially at the beginning where you described the meteors as "perfect scratched on an otherwise blank sky" (I think that's how it goes...).
The transition from 3rd last stanza to the 2nd las stanza was very smooth. I liked how you wrote: "...the night passes on neglecting to say goodbye", because it always seems that the night leaves without anyone noticing.
"A smooth miracle of dawn" (my memory is going again, so if I have this wrong, my deepest apologies) reminded me of miracle whip. Hehe...I'm not one for miracle whip, but you know, it was nice.
The ending was beautiful! Especially the last two lines. It gave this poem something more than just a scene...it was more like a continuation of something that never began.

Well, thank you for the great read! Be sure to post more often! Thanks for sharing! *smile*

[Ice Box]

Frappe.

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