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Teen Poetry #5
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Untitled ( possible repost- not sure)
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Untitled ( possible repost- not sure) |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali 
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I had to erase a few lines, due to the guideline issues, but its still pretty good. Email me if you want the whole thing (like you would  )Tears run from my eyes Pink stars and yellow moons The pain wont leave me We are whats left of concrete and honey We're all mad here If not, then why'd you come? You did it- He drank the wine of death Orange elephants flying I die and everythings black. (I hope that this is ok to post- I dun wanna get in trouble) |
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| © Copyright 2001 Trinity Celeste - All Rights Reserved | |||
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
This was a good poem. Lost me at a few points but I get the overall thing. Thanks for the read. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
What an awesome post, Zukene_Chic. I love the symbolism throughout the entire post so you can be sure that I'll be emailing you for the full thing later on. Tears run from my eyes Pink stars and yellow moons The pain wont leave me We are whats left of concrete and honey The tears are obviously you crying, pink stars and yellow moons brings the fantasy aspect of it to life. The pain not leaving you is pretty straight forward but the concrete is an example of something that is meant to incredibly strong; unbreakable and the honey is something sweet so something sweet in your life. So basically the first stanza speaks of your pain and how you are now only remains of something meant to be indestructable and something perfectly sweet. We're all mad here If not, then why'd you come? A couplet in the middle of the piece was a good effect. In your world that is created, everyone is obviously mad. I like the question posed at the end. It gives the reader a chance to embark on a journey to your mind. You did it- He drank the wine of death Orange elephants flying I die and everythings black. The wine of death is a poison of some sort. The orange elephants flying is an illusion created by the poison. You dying and everything is black is the finality of the situation. This is one hell of a poem. You should be really happy with what you've written here. Well done on such a great piece.  Thanks for sharing. ~AF~ anonymousfemale |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
well, im not gonna break it down like Lizzy did but it did remind me sort of like Romeo and Juliet this was a beautiful read keep em coming là où est mon amour? |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
Thanks everyone!!! |
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