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SmileyClar
Junior Member

since 2001-11-23

Posts 16
nowhere anymore

0 posted 2001-12-14 06:22 PM

The Edge

The silence filled with tears
Your voice filled with pain
Your heart filled with cuts
Your life filled with rain.

   You fell down.

My thoughts full of you
My hands full of your hair
My ears full of your words
My mind full of prayers.

   The wall fell down.

You’re not sure of anything
You’re not sure about life
But I'm stuck down in this hell too
I cant take away the strife.

    I'm sorry, I fell down.

Rocking.

   Crying.

     Screaming.

       Dying.

            F
              a
                l
                  l
                   i
                    n
                     g

Zukene_Chic
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 152
Cali

1 posted 2001-12-14 07:26 PM

This is truly a beautiful poem, and I enjoyed it emensly. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

2 posted 2001-12-21 02:01 PM

I just hope you both find comfort from each other
Help each other go thru your own trials
stay strong

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

3 posted 2001-12-23 04:48 PM

It's a wonderful thing you have something to help you through the hell you're in. Hold them dear my friend... hold them dear. God bless.

Sincerely,
Titus

PoetryIsLife

Senior Member

since 2001-10-27

Posts 1763
...in my boxers...

4 posted 2001-12-23 04:54 PM

On to the poem... while the rythm was a bit off, the four lines together was good. The one lines inbetween those was powerful. The ending was splashy, but I probably would have prefered the lines match the fellow four line sets. Again, it was nice, and fairly powerful, but for the poem, I'd probably make those words into lines. Just a thought.

Keep it up friend.

Sincerely,
Titus

[This message has been edited by PoetryIsLife (12-23-2001 04:59 PM).]

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2001-12-25 12:39 PM

Aww hun..this was so dark and dreary....::hugs::

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

6 posted 2001-12-25 03:26 AM

i liked this poem a lot! great work!
robin

repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-12-26 12:08 PM

This is very well written... very stylistic. This isn't the type of poem I see a lot. It's refreshing reading something new

Nice work, I hope I get to see more soon!

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

prov1717
Member

since 2001-12-26

Posts 74
NE

8 posted 2001-12-26 01:27 PM

i really enjoyed this! keep it up, i hope i get to read more of your work soon.

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