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Shattered
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Shattered |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733
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Shattered Shards of me strewn across the floor Glue barely binding, Barely holding The pieces of me t o g e t h e r. Bursting Voices scream at me at once Words barely registering, Barely echoing Through the recesses of me r h y t h m i c a l l y. Splintering Negativity boring deeper inside me Logic barely remaining, Barely sustaining The harsh blows administered c o n s t a n t l y. Breaking Pain flooding to every corner Sanity barely escaping, Barely shaking Thousands of splinters of self-hate o b e d i e n t l y. Imploding Nervous thoughts consuming my consciousness Body barely standing, Barely balancing Overwhelmingly needing you I'm s h a t t e r e d. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Isabel Galaxia - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alyssa
since 2001-05-30
Posts 385IM ENGAGED!!!!! |
iv e read a million poems tonight but i really really like this one..on eof the best ive read tonight love the form great!!! [This post has been created by Alyssa, be joyous she has graced you with her pressence!!!] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wowsers, Bel. You're one of my favourite poets in here and this why! Your pieces speak to the readers and really clue them in. It's an amazing write and like the others, it's going to the library. Thanks so much for posting. Keep sharing. ~AF~ "When I eat I feel. It is better if I don't feel, I am too afraid." - Ellen West |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This poem has a lot of expression in it..full of feeling  I enjoyed it..nice job!ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Bel, this poem was awesome. I loved the repitition. Each time a word was repeated, it got stronger, adding much more effect to the poem in general. I think, however, that this is one of those poems that is screaming for HTML effects. I think some of these words came off as more of a whisper in my mind, more of a scowling plea. Try italicizing, and maybe centering the piece for even more power. I love what you have here. The effects are amazing. The desperate voice you portray throughout almost brings out every emotion in me.. making me angry, sympathetic.. nicely done! I really enjoyed this. Can't wait to see more... --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
the style you used in this really added a nice flavor to this piece, i like it a lot. i agree with marie as far as the word repitition is concerned. great job, keep posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Isabel --- I would've not known you where in such a situation You seem so lively everytime we talk I just hope you win against your inner battles And finally be happy Talk to me anytime you see me online thanks for the read là où est mon amour? |
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