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Fragile
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Fragile |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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Fragile It was supposed to be something 'special,' gold plated and lined with rubies and emeralds... Maybe you didn't read that word 'fragile' printed on a plank of my box, or maybe you just tripped by accident, and that's when I realized my world was a castle... ...of s a n d , nearly dry and weathered to a dusty pile by the shoreline. You pulled my kingdom into the biting rays of the sun, drying the rivers that had flourished with dampness in the dark... But you couldn't look me in the eye as I withered with my dwelling, and I couldn't ask you for help as I drowned in your light... It was supposed to be something 'special,' gold plated and lined with rubies and emeralds... Something to be cherished. A succulent valley amidst the desert, with colors you could feel rather than see. Maybe you didn’t read that word 'fragile' printed on a plank of my box... Or maybe you did, but had me mistaken for someone you didn’t care about. --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 12-09-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow! This is a fantastic write!! Very cool. I love the part about the colors being felt, more than being seen.  |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
this was very nice Marie. one of the best ive read in a good bit. id missed reading from you. this is going into my library. great job hun and nice pic. tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Marie: I loved this. The lines, the flow, the thought and personal expression is deeply felt throughout. The ending, I found, was really tragic, even if it fit inside the poem well. I liked your repetitions. That was really effective by itself. The way you emphasized "fragile" gave this piece more than if you hadn't. This poem is wonderful, Marie. God bless, and I hope your life is filled with wonderful things. Farewell. ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
WOW. Whoa. OH MY GOSH> THat's one of the best I've read in ages! You creativeness and expression.... and use of imageing... WOW! I love it! Titus |
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sweetlilangel Junior Member
since 2001-12-05
Posts 26 |
That was very very good. I enjoyed it allot keep on writing!! Don't be sad because it's over smile because it happened! |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This is amazing. I loved every word. It's like I could feel it. Welcome back  Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
Oi... impressing... as always... no really, I loved that one, nice words... I also liked the line about feeling colours... that's like saying that the feeling goes beyond the normal range... good to see you sharing again! [egocentric note on the side: post #200 Wooohooo!] {place random, but good, sig HERE} |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh my, Marie. This is what has been missing!! Your writing always did touch me and I could relate to it really well. This is definitely NO exception. The symbolism in this is remarkable. You bring so many different parts of your life into play here that really just smacks the reader in the face. It is so great to have you back!  ~AF~ "When I eat I feel. It is better if I don't feel, I am too afraid." - Ellen West |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
This is impressive work... enjoyed reading this one... thanks for sharing, sudhir |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Amazing job here...wow...wonderfully done! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
you write beautifully, as always sweet heart, i like this piece a lot. great wording and images, a well crafted poem. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Sea - thanks so much for replying. I'm so glad you liked it. Your opinion certainly means a lot to me. Tiff - Heya! I've missed you! Thanks for taking the time to read this and all... message me sometime. It's been too long. Leah - I didn't understand why you said "Farewell" in what seemed to be such a solemn way until today. Well, as I said, I'll miss you so much. Thanks for replying, of course. Take care. Titus - Wow, thanks for such an enthusiastic reply. I'm glad you enjoyed it! sweetlilangel - Thanks for reading, and replying. I'm glad you liked it Jenn - Thanks for the welcome back. I must say, it's good to be back! dastard - You're quick to reply, eh? Heya sweetie! Thanks for reading. Your reply also means so very much to me, as you know. *Many hugs* Lizzy - Wow, thanks so much for the sweet reply. Your reply is what made me remember why I miss this place so much. You're definitely another opinion I feel honored in receiving! Sudhir - Thanks for the taking the time to read this! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I hope you pop back in Teens again soon. Michele - Thanks for the reply, as always. Peter - Also, thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it... --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
*blown away*...excellent write, Marie...the emotions lives within this piece so vividly, so does the imagery and symbolism of such things discribed. i LOVED reading your pieces from the beginning and that seems like its gonna be hard to change and sincerely...WELCOME BACK , missed you! Hey...#25437 What! You in there? Yea, im in here. ok [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 12-11-2001).] |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
awwwww maire *hugs*....ive missed your poetry! this is beautifully written- i loved the imagery you used within this- you know how to paint a vivid portrait in my head. *sigh* but its sad too...i hope youre ok sweetie...we'll talk about this sometime ok? again, you wrote this beautifully...keep writing dear poet.... |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Marie! I'm delayed in my reply. Sorry! But hey, look on the bright side... this way, you get a healthy bump... Now I would usually do a reply stanza by stanza, but considering you don't have stanzas (you usually don't ), I'm going to just have to do the whole thing.The first two lines are good, I like them. It shows a bright expectation, a promising experience that was unfulfilled. The two lines after that do the same sort of thing, they express a let-down, an unhappiness. The "fragile printed on the plank of my box" thing didn't exactly work for me, for some reason. I don't know, maybe it just sounded corny? It kind of wrecked some of my reading experience (you usually think of things less literal than that for metaphors), but looking at your overall response, I guess I'm alone on that one... "My world was a castle... ... of s a n d." Oh, I love that... it goes with the accompanying beachy-shorelineish imagery of the rest of the poem. My world was a castle of sand... in the immortal words of Carly VD, "that's what ahm talkin 'bout..." The next part, about the betrayal... just sour, bitter, wonderful. You go back and forth from literal to metaphoric for those four lines (But you... your light). That's really flowing, inter-weaving the two aspects of the poem and making them co-operate. You sure have talent...  Further in, the repetition of the beginning of the poem, along with an expanse on the repetition. I don't think I've ever seen that done, and if I have, not nearly so well. It's like you're restating the beginning, in more detail. As if you're giving some sort of answers in the added lines... that makes for a perfect ending. Gives such a unity to the piece. Overall, Marie, this glows with your talent. The "fragile" concept sort of phased me, but that's just me... I won't say it's anything that should be fixed. You're a fantastic poet, J. Marie Floyd... ~Allan |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Marie, i hope to write as well as you someday..and that is the highest compliment i think i can give.. in fact, i am printing this out, as a reminder of how good poetry is written... btw, i liked the fragile line lots..it's interesting to see how difference of opinion arises, huh? |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Oh Marie  Lets talk okies? smile like your pic là où est mon amour? |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
awwwww, that's cute Marie!! I really like it I can't wait to see more from you loved it, mean it If someone said, "Write a sentence about your life," I'd write "I want to go outside and play." |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
SHNOOKUMS!! *big hugs* Thanks for reading and replying to this piece. It means much to me, as you know Cherry!! *more big hugs* I missed you too, I promise We'll talk soon, k?Mr. Riverwood - I'm very honored to have your name tatooed to the reply list. Thanks so much for your in-depth reply, as you never fail to give. And late it always better than never! Thanks so much..faterider - I was blown away with your reply. It touched me so much... you have no idea how those few sentences will influence me as a writer. Thanks so much for reading, and replying. It means very much to me. acire - okies, we'll talk soon Stacey - thanks for reading! You'll see more, eventually Thank you all for reading... *hugs* --Marie "It's been a long December, and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows) |
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prov1717 Member
since 2001-12-26
Posts 74NE |
i liked the whoel "fragile" concept of the poem. i love to read your poems, you have impressed me greatly with all of your work. |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
awesome... purely awesome and stunning |
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mistic Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 233Idaho, U.S.A. |
oops forgot to add to my library... |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
wow... i love this... great work!! -Pixie -=Love starts with a SMILE, grows with a KISS, and ends with a TEAR=- |
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
forgot to add it to my library! |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Prov - Thanks so much for your reply. It certainly means lots to me. (Heh, thanks for bringing this back to the top too.) mistic - Thanks for taking the time to read and reply. I'm glad you liked it Pixie - Also, thanks for reading and taking the time to reply. Thanks to all of you who have read. It means lots to me. *hugs* to all of you --Marie "It was a long December, but there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last." (Counting Crows) |
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