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Teen Poetry #5
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cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

0 posted 2001-12-05 08:32 PM



Faded


I feel like a flower
Kept from the Sun
And told when to grow
At the same window
With the same tree outside
And the same splatter of oil
On the pane
And the same little
Crack
         On the wall

Like a splinter turned onto its side
And bent like a twisted old man


One day the twisted old man will
Breathe on me
                     and
                    I
                     will
                          sway,
                   cold.


Cold,
        Like the creeping frost of morn
Hiding from an already concealed Sun


And I will sever my feet
And free it from
                  the
                     Shackling Soil
That holds me down
And keeps me here


Here.
Always here.


Never allowed to
Know of
Speak of
Think of
                There.


The Outside
Outside where I’m free to
Graze the Sun
And feel its rays


Warm my hands
And open my eyes
And sing to my mind
And fill my heart


Where trees are allowed to grow
And flowers to bloom
             With color
                       And sound
                               And wind


With Warmth


But for now the twisted old man sleeps
And the splinter like crack remains


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*sigh*
i'd really appreciate it if you took the time to share with me your own interpretations of this.
(not you zu- that would be cheating   )

       

  

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!



© Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved
Kosetsu
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 450
Alabama, USA
1 posted 2001-12-05 09:19 PM


I like this one a lot Cherish....in my interpretation, it's a little like my life....I can't leave this place behind just yet, but I will someday. I long for the day when I'll be able to leave my parents and this town behind, but for now..I've just got to sit it out.

But each passing day is one less day I've got to wait.

-Adam

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice Doggy' while you search for a rock." - Will Rogers

TopGunLauren
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718
California
2 posted 2001-12-05 10:13 PM


Just like all your other poems I can relate to this poem.But anway I loved it it's different from a lot of your other poems keep up the awsome work.
  Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind


Zukene_Chic
Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152
Cali
3 posted 2001-12-05 11:10 PM


That was beautiful. Truly, TRULY beautiful. And thats the only way to say what needs to be said. We all long for "There." For outside, and freedom. But do we want it badly enough, is the question.
Android 17
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Senior Member
since 2001-07-21
Posts 664
Winnipeg
4 posted 2001-12-06 12:46 PM


Like Adam said...I get it---but it'll take some time for me to find the words to describe it! I'll repost when I know how to say it!

And remember fair maiden...thou wilst never wilt in thine eyes...

(Hmmmm...from the sound of the letter you're abit gloomy right now...)

[bIf I've lost the girl of my dreams...who am I looking for now?[/b]

sweetlilangel
Junior Member
since 2001-12-05
Posts 26

5 posted 2001-12-06 06:40 AM


Hi Cherish~ I liked this poem allot to me it seems like it's about someone who feels trapped from everything around them. And locked up. I think you did a great job of writing it!!!

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
6 posted 2001-12-06 11:53 AM


Cherish, you don't want me to go in too deep about my interpretations LOL   I liked this very much, style is awesome as well as content.  
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
7 posted 2001-12-06 12:47 PM


the style and format that you used in this piece are both absolutely inredible.  you did a really awsome job on this.  i had ti read it a couple of times before i could take the whole thing in.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-12-07 11:24 AM


My interpretation: This is about you, your family and how you're bound to tradition.
"I feel like a flower
Kept from the Sun
And told when to grow"
That seems to me like you're being oppressed (nah, really???).

"One day the twisted old man will
Breathe on me
                     and
                    I
                     will
                          sway,
                   cold."

That comes across as death/your father. He'll suck the last amount of strength out of you and you'll be numb to the world.

"Never allowed to
Know of
Speak of
Think of
                There.


The Outside
Outside where I’m free to
Graze the Sun
And feel its rays"

Obviously dreaming of a freedom you so desperately want. You're told to do this and do that but what you truly want doesn't come into account at all hence your shackled legs to the soil. That could also mean you're urge to fly away but being grounded is the reason you're not.

well that's my interpretation. I hope things are alright with you, chicka. Anytime, you know that. You lied! This is a great piece. It's so cryptic that it makes you think. Well done. Thank you for sharing this and giving me a reason to read poetry.  

~AF~

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner.



anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

9 posted 2001-12-08 02:14 AM


my intrepretation is that it shows life and its surrounding and how one feels within it, imagery and emotions were...wow. i have to say its such a LOVELY piece...*sigh* your voice is SO beautifully protrayed in it... this is my farmost fav from you...*sigh* [cant stop sighing] but. amazingly written...and thank you for sharing as i await more to come. bye Char-ish?  

Hey...#25437
What!
You in there?
Yea, im in here.
ok

Spice
Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.
10 posted 2001-12-08 11:23 AM


*Smacks herself for not replying sooner...*
Damnit Cherish! Might you TELL me when you have a new poem up? You know I don't come in here anymore!  

ANYWAY!
Deary, I really liked this...Probablyone of my favs from you...You chose a simple way to express how you were feeling, a wonderful, easy example...yet you made it poetic and actually beautiful. To be such a topic...One would expect anger and bitterness (Unbless *I'M* Just the only fool that writes like that...haha) But you, you wrote it gracefully...I liked that. My interpretation is the same as the others...freedom from your home, your family...   You really out did yourself here, Cherry..Hope to see more...And TELL me the next time, Mkay? LOL

"I'd rather die purposely alone than to have lived an accidental life of solitude."- Jesa "§ùgã®" Thompson
  

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
11 posted 2001-12-08 01:49 PM


I see you as being forced into a corner so to speak. Forced into routine and a certain way to live and grow. I hate that. But  I loved this. Intriguing.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
12 posted 2001-12-08 04:58 PM


Very well done cherish! I think this has a lot to do with the fact that everything in your life seems to be changing except for the fact that you're always home because you haven't moved out yet. I mean, that would be my superficial interpretation of it, unless there is some mental aspect of your life that you feel like you are trapped in. If that is so then maybe it's your mother and father and that whole thing going on with them. And maybe you have no say in what is happening and you are slowly decaying as all this goes on, never changing, and just watching as the life slips away.
I don't know.....i tried hehe

Mua! Good poem, looking forward to more.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

dastard
Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55
in tearing silence
13 posted 2001-12-09 07:18 AM


*note to myself: go to teen5 more frequently*

very strong piece here, really. I also guess it's about your whole family thing going on, not letting you live as you would like, come to "bloom"...
send a smack over if I'm wrong... and only then... I know you like smacking me  

{place random, but good, sig HERE}

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
14 posted 2001-12-09 02:58 PM


Ooooh I really liked this one!!

My take on it: It seems as if you feel like you're locked away from the rest of the world, and you want to get away from it and on the "outside."  I think you wrote this very well and I enjoyed it alot!!  

~*Nikki*~

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
15 posted 2001-12-09 03:28 PM


Cherish, this is a beautiful post.  The use of HTML you used worked perfectly with the message you were trying to get across.  To save the typing, I will tell you that my interpretation after the third-fourth time reading it through was identical to Lizzy's.  This is definitely one of the best I've read from you, Cherish... you are a very talented writer, and you're growing more and more with each post.     Beautiful work, my sweets!

*hugs*  Well done!

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
16 posted 2001-12-10 08:38 AM


this is excellent poetry, cherish...

regards,
sudhir

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
17 posted 2001-12-10 10:10 AM


Cherish....simply OUTSTANDING!!!

Thats all i have to say  

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Poet Unknown
Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 140
Missouri
18 posted 2001-12-10 06:02 PM


doda doda hmmmm i dont have an interpretation but it was a good poem =oÞ

Do as you please....strike forth down upon your knees...Darkness Falls on Those Without Souls

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
19 posted 2001-12-10 10:24 PM


I guess everyone does go thru their own obstacles in life
You seem to be a really happy person to me though
You're a wonderful person, and stay that way
Life will reard you for it  
keep sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?


Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
20 posted 2001-12-13 05:42 AM


In my opinon this is your best piece of work ever, keep on writing these brilliant poems  

~The feelings are all replaced and the words are all decayed but its another day~ "My Vitriol"

rolly_polly
Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 41
puerto rico
21 posted 2001-12-13 01:38 PM


Woah gurl....this is really good....i guess everybody has said pretty much anything that can be said...Once again this rocks..keep it up hun  


~parallel universe~

Xeonox
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Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA
22 posted 2002-01-18 02:13 AM


this poem might be about you and how you feel your life is sometimes and how also you want your life to be sometiems( the good and the bad).

Ronil?

Ronil (One becomes god only when they have fully understood the role of being a human being.)

zarina
Member
since 2001-05-19
Posts 180

23 posted 2002-01-18 04:31 PM


waw.. this is amazing work I loved the format.

I'm always myslef. Isn't that enough for you?

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