»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #5
»
The end
| Teen Poetry #5 |
|
The end |
|
branden726 
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI 
|
You are the Wind, That lifts me high, Your the girl, That makes me cry, Your the dream, That was only a dream, Your that star, That when I wished it never came true, I said I loved you, You said "Me 2" It ended like that, I was out like a light, For eternal nap. No more happiness, No more love, No more doves to caress with my hand. All you other poets beware my true feelings and poetry are about to flare! |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Branden Jacobs - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
ugh!..it was going so well until you got to the "it ended" part...  ..thats so sad bran..nice poem...gave me a bit of a shock halfway through....i hope things get better for ya buds...  |
||
|
NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
Nice poem  Relationships can be very hard in life and it hurts to be thrown out... It was an interesting and shocking transition from the pleasent thought then to the thought of being "thrown out", i especially liked your phrase of being blown out like a light. Thanks for the read! -Dreys "wweeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!" |
||
|
TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Relationships can be hard and most of them eventually end which is hardest.But eventualy the pain goes away and you find someone else.But anway I loved this poem keep up the awsome work. Lauren "I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind |
||
|
baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
that was a really sad poem, but it was really good. i hope that you feel better!!!! |
||
|
branden726
since 2000-09-25
Posts 607Bay City, MI |
Thanks guys!! I love to be back and i love the way you guys make me feel and your replies all sooo nice |
||
|
anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Wow that took a change for the worst. Sorry to hear it Branden. Situations like this suck. You'll pull through though 'cause you've got us.  ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
The ending was completely unexpected. Aww, I'm mad that you've made me all depressed now. But this was a well written piece. The only thing I would change is "Your" to "You're". That got distracting.. Well done. --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
||
|
Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Falling in love is the best feeling till its gone! You did an amazing job expressing your emotions!!! Keep it up!!! "If you should die before me, ask if you could bring a friend." |
||
|
PoetryIsLife
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
Dude, that was good! Dramatic change there. WHile I would probably make it longer (it being so short is kinda distracting) I have to say this one was very good. Hope you're doing good man...Sincerely, Titus |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Don't make this experience let you down We all have our special someone we'll eventually meet keep your head up là où est mon amour? |
||
xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was so sad Branden...::hugs:: im sorry... ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
