Know something? I didn't exactly predict the content of this poem, although when it came together in the end I realized what it was communicating.
You show me a man who was so filled with emotion, with love, that he based his life on it. His senses are blotted out by this wonderful feeling that he knows, and he immerses himself in it.
Suddenly, it is removed. And what does he have left? He discovers that his dependence on "love" has left him unable to cope with its removal. Now, without a heart, he isn't even a man, because his humanity was blotted out by the complete emotion that he felt, that he dedicated himself to.
Close enough? I know you don't like quality replies to your poetry, so I'm trying to interperet a bit.
The swan... that's the symbol that wore out my thinking cap. I guess I would have to conclude that the swan is the elegance and beauty of love, which makes the man in the poem picky about anything other than it. Nothing matches the swan, and when the swan leaves, nothing is any good right? No swan, no quality of life.
I'm not 100% sure with my interperetation, I wouldn't be surprised if I was way off. You deep poet you.... always messing with my mind...
Ok, now for the Allan reply. It's about time!
The first stanza... hmm... a bit tricky. I like the repetition of the first few words in most lines. That was a neat trick, made the stanza sound kind of quizzical. Like a riddle (which is appropriate).
The second stanza I can't see much fault in. It stands apart from the first in structure, but the last line... I can't help but think the last line should be two lines. Know what I mean? 'Course you do, clever guy. 'Course you do.
Same with the third line of stanza 3, a measly comma doesn't seem to justify the two separate thoughts, however similar they are. And the fourth line... would it sound better as the last line? Up to you, just a suggestion.
The last couplet? A couplet! Great way to finish any poem, especially one with a riddlish quality. That's superb as it is.
Don't take my criticism the wrong way, although I know you wouldn't.
I've missed your writing, man. It has depth... that's hard to find in these forums, especially nowadays. Really, really good to see you return, and read your freshest piece.
Best wishes for all the future. We may not talk on MSN much, but every poem you post here, I'll reply to... and that's communication of some sort, at the very least.
Until next our paths cross, Javier...
"I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible."