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vixengrl04
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since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

0 posted 2001-11-30 01:24 PM


Just trying out a new form here, let me know what you think of this.  Thanks!!!

~*Nikki*~

TRAPPED in my own existance
Hiding BEHIND a false identidy
Searching for THE answer
Buried beneath the BARS of infinity.
Struggling to overcome the pain OF my strife
But, in actuality, this Hell is my LIFE.

     *~Fighting for your love~*
    *~Is something I cannot do~*
   *~I'm not good enough to win~*
*~And I'm not strong enough to lose~*

© Copyright 2001 Nikki - All Rights Reserved
Jenn Cirrincione
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Posts 2107
Fl
1 posted 2001-11-30 01:57 PM


I really liked this Nikki.
Interesting form...and I love short poems, they don't give me a headache lol

I liked the idea behind it as well... thought prevoking.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Jezziekaka
Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58
where the trees touch the sky
2 posted 2001-11-30 05:27 PM


vixengr104~ I loved this poem and the way you wrote it! It was so cool!!!!    Great poem!!  
Jezzika

Fading Away
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Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-11-30 11:34 PM


I like what you've done here.  Very creative idea.  I really enjoyed the style you wrote this.  You had a little rhyming there, at the end, but I would probably suggest not using the rhyme, due to the fact it's such a short poem.  The content you put out there is powerful, but at times, repetative.  Watch that.. And the fact that the bolded word "OF" is off from the pattern is a little distracting.  But, like I said, it is a very creative way to

I like the idea, very creative thinking  

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-12-21 03:29 PM


I loved the way you wrote the poem
But, still I'd rather see one of happiness
If you need someone to talk to, just email me
Hope things go your way
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.


Marshalzu
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since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
5 posted 2001-12-23 06:56 PM


I love this whole concept, the higlighting of the words is very effective. I'd be careful about the ryhming at the end as it doesn't exactly fit but this is still an excellent poem.

Zu

"No army can conquer a galaxy, yet faith alone can overturn the universe"

Jenabou
Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 215
Oklahoma/Nova Scotia Canada/USA
6 posted 2001-12-23 07:21 PM


This poem was really good
Short but still  powerful
I really like this format

The world is like a mirror; frown at it, and it frowns at you.  Smile and it smiles, too
Be kind,for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle

HopelessRomanticGuy
Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495
LI, New York
7 posted 2001-12-23 09:02 PM


i like this new format!  It's cool!  The poem was a bit repetitive, but that didn't make it bad at all!  I liked it, thanks for the read!
                                                                               - Rich

Don't Drink and Park!
Accidents may cause People!

TopGunLauren
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718
California
8 posted 2001-12-24 12:26 PM


Very interesting format but I loved it you have a very special talent.I can also relate to what your poem is saying which makes it even better so keep up the awsome work. ANd I can't wait to read more.
  Lauren

"I just needed someone to talk to you were just to busy with yourself."-Staind


Kaos
Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 317
between space and time
9 posted 2001-12-24 12:30 PM


that was cool!  i really liked the way u used that form...and i know how ya feel..good piece

" How can i feel if i can't breathe...?"
-Godsmack
"If who i am is what i have, and what i have is lost...then who am i?"
-unknown

xShUgArHiGhx
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tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
10 posted 2001-12-24 01:02 PM


I liked thie different use of format...refreshing hehehe....good poem! Short and sweet!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

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