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Distant
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Distant |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I remember little children played Among the sands that covered the beach. They created castles, tall and strong With flags that waved victoriously in the wind. They sailed on rafts, and drew their swords And yelled the words of pirates. Hungry for gold, they raided their castles... No match for their little feet. Who couldn't remember The sparkle in their eyes As they played a game of pirates and of castles In the sand Or of newsprint hats that fell over their eyes So that they giggled at what they couldn't see? As they roamed over lands, over seas, to a faraway place They continued their search for gold... But to me, in this world growing darker evermore The only gold that I could see Was the only distant memory... A memory of me. + + + + + I thought I'd write something a little different that the usual rhyme and meter. ^^; Not my best poem, but what can you do if you don't put the kind of effort into it? Plus, my muse has failed me once again. So I wrote down a bit of thoughts, mostly light, some dark. I feel so unbalanced... o_O; I fear my poems are becoming more rare as time passes...don't expect too much. The world is fading. ++ Leah ++ Va pensiero sull' ali dorate... |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
you know, i think im so used to your usual way of writing, that when i was halfway through reading this i stopped and went "it sounds like a leah, it looks like a leah...but wheres the meter and rhyme?"..needless to say leah deary you did a good job of this. its very poignant, and brought vivid pictures to my mind. i love the way youre always able to do that. keep writing sweetie...muse or no muse...this is good  |
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dastard Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 55in tearing silence |
 {place random, but good, sig HERE} |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i've always been a fan of free verse. i think it keeps you from becoming to constrianed or predictable, and if you so it right the flow of the poem is just as good. i think you did an excellent job with this, i really liked the image that you put in my head as i read this. maybe you should try it more often. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hmm..This was really different from what I've usually seen from you, but it was still soo good!!! I remember when I was a little child, and everything was so happy and carefree, and now it's just...not. I think you captured that feeling of carefree happiness in this piece soooo well!!!! I liked this A LOT, and I hope to see more work like this from you in the future.  ~*Nikki*~ *~Fighting for your love~* |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
I really like this one it was very interesting. Lauren |
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Zukene_Chic Member
since 2001-09-26
Posts 152Cali |
Oh, how true! Childhood releases our hand, and wanders away. Lost to us, once again. How I miss it. Blow some bubbles, that always make syou feel like a little kid again! FUN FUN ^^ |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
"No match for their little feet. Who couldn't remember The sparkle in their eyes" This speaks lots of truth. The innocence in a child's eyes is truly beautiful. Honest and beautiful. I really like this poem. It brought back long-lost nostalgia. Thanks for that I think I've seen better from you, but this still holds the unique Leah style that I always enjoy. I can't wait to read more Nice work. --Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"Was the only distant memory... A memory of me." Lovely piece...made me sigh  ...but yea...i always love reading your poems...they take the reader to a unknown place, maybe a place we all dream of to see?Hey...#25437 |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Ah leah another lovely piece once again. However, I didn't enjoy this one either as much as your others. While there were some brilliant lines in there like these, "The only gold that I could see Was the only distant memory... A memory of me." it didn't feel right to me without the rhyme!! 'Spose I'll have to get used to you writing in other ways again.  Thanks for the read, chicka. ~AF~ Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This was extremely cute. I like the concept behind it. Nicely done. Who needs meter anyway? Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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NathanS Member
since 2001-09-27
Posts 106CA |
I liked this poem, is was very nice Reminded me of when i was little at the beach -Dreys |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I really liked this poem a lot..brings back a lot of memories for me...well done ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I'd love to chat with you again And it would be an honor if you collaborate with me You are just the most amazing writer there is I want you brain and imagination thanks again for sharing, never stop là où est mon amour? |
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