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Streen
Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 169

0 posted 2001-11-28 08:10 PM

Six Minutes After Sunrise

The sun arose for a new dawn
And I, I was awakening.
A lost beam of Aurora’s breath,
Shimmered across my eyes,
My irises arose, widened,
The morn rang out a purplish tune,
A bell-shaped flower in the dewy mist,
Refracted the dawnlight’s glow,
And I, I was awakening.

My sheets curled off my chest,
I took step in post-twilight.
My anteamoric stiffened core,
Loosening as strides grew more.
The first minute of dawning passed
Whilst in joy of the heather’s aroma
Opening my eyes to greater array,
The lunar vestibule lowering,
Receding into the horizon’s edge.
And I, I was awakening.

The next three minutes went by,
As I hastened to a window where
A better view of the sun’s debut be.
Slipping on a marble by the stairs,
A chair I hit, glancing to the floor,
Remnants of yesternight's revel.
And when finally arrived I there,
The day’s dear dawn radiated
Leaves of all colors, flowers of all
Perfumes and sights of all wonders.
A lover’s smile and wishing eyes.
My eyes gazing unto this sight so
Amazing, the sun’s warmth-lined rays
Comforting, wrapping around my heart.
And I, I was awoken.

And then, closing my eyes for respite,
Else they be blinded by pulchritude,
I stood in the warmth for a minute,
Not seeing yet feeling the foray,
The dawnlight’s magnificent display,
Of softly billowing pink clouds,
The misty ether drifting downwards,
The sun’s sweet smile unto all the world,
A heart’s pure token of innocent care.
And I, I was awoken.

And then, in such a manner,
Reached I the sixth minute of the day,
Yet my eyes remained closed,
Though tried I to open them again.
Straining to peak with my eyes,
That glory which long I felt,
Again to see the beauty of the dawn.
I struggled in vain with my might,
To clasp, grasp the inspiring sight,
Of the flowers glistening under,
Under the dawnlight’s glance.
The bell-shaped glittering flowers,
Under the dawnlight’s glance.
And I, I was awoken.

For a fool ‘twas I that I did not,
Did not comprehend nor understand,
That this beauty I had still measured,
Resided within not my irises,
But dwelt within the awakened area,
Of my radiant heart.
And the day was but unfurling,
Uncoiling in Aurora’s misty light.
These first six minutes of the sunrise,
Were but a portion of all the beauty,
Laying in waiting arms for us.
For when I was awakened that day,
And I, I was awakened,
I awoke with you by my side.

-Streen

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

1 posted 2001-11-28 11:57 PM

Streen...

I believe this is the first poem I've read by you, and I have to admit, I am extremely impressed by everything. The flow was considerably excellent for a free verse, as well as the spiffy vocabulary. That is DEFINATELY some AWESOME vocabulary. Wowness. ^_^

I thought the repetitions within each stanza was very appropriate, as it brings the entire piece together instead of sparsely laid ideas combined into a somewhat poem. Good stuff.

It's neat in thinking how you made the poem lengthy, and yet your title suggests 6 minutes, which is not a lot of time to most of us. I guess this makes us really value each minute that passes by. Clever. ^^;

The imagery...now that's something I'll never get over. The pictures, the feelings, the expression, the tone...they were all done professionally. This is something I highly admire in a poet. A very nice change. ^_^

Well, enough of my ramblings and whatnot. o_O; I suppose I should leave some room for everyone else. Hehe. Thank you very much for an extremely memorable read! ^___^ *shuffles out the door*

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2001-11-29 10:21 AM

This is the first poem i've read from you as well and you have the most amazing imagery...ive never read a poem quite like yours before..truely an amazing job!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

3 posted 2001-11-29 01:37 PM

the imagery in this is great and you did a really wonderful job of freezing a brief moment of time and really holding it for the reader to experience. i look forward to reading more from you.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

4 posted 2001-11-29 11:47 PM

ugh..........you've left me speechless once again.

AWESOME.....just amazing.

thank you so much for sharing this. i enjoyed reading it so much.

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-11-30 01:38 PM

Your imagery is great and your ending was wonderful. I will not critique it, even though I'd like to, because you do not have the critique message put up....but all together a wonderful piece.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Streen
Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 169

6 posted 2001-11-30 04:48 PM

Oh, definitely I encourage critiquing. I don't really know how to change my profile at this place, so I'm a bit confuzzled. ^_^ But yes, critique away!

-Derek

Jezziekaka
Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 58
where the trees touch the sky

7 posted 2001-11-30 05:49 PM

Amazing!!! I loved this it was so beautifully put!! Please write more!

Jezzika

be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-12-01 03:57 PM

This is a wonderful piece of writing indeed! This is the first I've read from you, Derek.. but I must say, I look forward to the next! The imagery used is absolutely amazing, and your descriptions were wonderful. Fantastic job with this. I enjoyed it muchos... until the next

--Marie

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway.

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

9 posted 2001-12-01 09:27 PM

Wow...amazing poem and also beautiful you have a very special talent I love this poem.Keep up the great work.
Lauren

Streen
Member

since 2001-11-28

Posts 169

10 posted 2001-12-02 10:06 PM

If somebody could, I'd really like this to be critiqued if at all possible. ^_^

Thank you everyone for your comments. I'm glad that my poetry can bring such joy to others.

-Derek

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