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Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-11-25 05:04 PM

Ok. I have decided that I wan't to post again! I'm back!

Sky's Empty Light

Walk me through this fireless
Street of love and leave me
Lying in the sands of thought
through the weakness of this empty light

Loose this hour
and shatter my
amidst loss of
the northern bright

And like the stray dog
that barks, but won't bite your hand
Or like the conquering sword
that gives shelter to your sky

Taken in by a silver lie
now this stray becomes,
it now spawns, and stays,
taking shelter from the sulfur sky

Burned and delayed
Lost and decayed
Taking shelter from
The Sky's empty light

-C.M.

[This message has been edited by Knight of Secrecy (edited 11-25-2001).]

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

1 posted 2001-11-25 07:45 PM

Good poem man. Its all full of feeling and just packed with emotion.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

2 posted 2001-11-27 09:30 PM

well...wow...carlos.....this was great. i really am enjoying your work.

yellow....w/red stripes
Regina

Zukene_Chic
Member

since 2001-09-26

Posts 152
Cali

3 posted 2001-11-27 10:45 PM

*claps* Spiffy-ness!

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

4 posted 2001-11-27 10:48 PM

Carlos, Carlos, Carlos...

I remember this. In fact, you showed me this before you posted it! JOY! You finally did! ^_^ I feel special because I GOT TO SEE IF BEFORE EVERYONE ELSE!!! ^__^; hehe. *ahem*
I like it very muchly. The metaphoric tone you used really suits this piece. You're quite the poet, eh? *nudge* ^_^

Until next time...

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2001-11-30 12:24 PM

very good c.....im glad youre posting once again buddy..

.....i liked this one lots

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-12-01 12:46 PM

I really like the ending to this poem.  It adds a darker tone to the poem, ending on a whole nother note.  Very well done with that!

I really like the content you have going through the piece.  The metaphors were picked up easily, making for an easily understood underlying theme.  All the stanzas flowed well into one another, and the language you used was well done.

Overall, very nice work, here, Carlos!  I'm pleased to be able to read some of your work, seeing as you're obviously a talented poet.  I look forward to reading more, soon

Good work.

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

rolly_polly
Junior Member

since 2001-10-10

Posts 41
puerto rico

7 posted 2001-12-03 08:27 PM

Veeery nice! *claps and cheers* ...damn yer good lol....makes me look like poo lol...anyway good to see yer posting again

You have a gift my friend....

~parallel universe~

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