The Chaos of My Broken Spirit

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K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

0 posted 2001-11-24 12:24 PM

The chaos of my broken spirit
blackens the endless soul
of this wonderful world,
rots the beauty within you.

It swallows my life,
as if I where to dissapear,
as if this burden
will cease from existance.

The path of my heart seems clear,
death is to fall upon me,
the Sun of another world,
will shine my life with perfection.

I shall remain there for evermore,
waiting for you to join me,
as you live your life with beauty,
as I scream to my perfection,
how lost I feel within me,
in the chaos of my broken spirit.

Knight of Secrecy
Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-11-24 08:38 AM

Good job. Sorry to say this but the poem is so full of emotion that it almost looses some coherence, but then again thats what a good poem is made of! Emotion!

-C.M.

"I feel the sting of an insignificant wasp, and yet, I fear that I am alergic"

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

2 posted 2001-11-25 01:07 PM

there is a certain chaos within all of us.. standing before the love and truth in our lives.. look torwards the truth..

Love is God. Love is war. Love is what your life is for.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-11-30 12:33 PM

oh danny i liked this one loads. i thought it was really stellar...keep writing...

i luve mi con-tray! lyke a big an brown stetch olan wiv losa sun!

[This message has been edited by cherish (edited 11-30-2001).]

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

4 posted 2001-11-30 01:23 PM

Danny,

The amount of emotion you convey here is amazing. Great write.

Dawn

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-12-01 12:39 PM

"as you live your life with beauty,
as I scream to my perfection,
how lost I feel within me,
in the chaos of my broken spirit."

^^ Definitely my favorite lines. I'm beginning to see the talent I missed while I was away. This was a beautiful piece. The flow was very well done. Nice work! I enjoyed this muchos.. I can't wait to read more...

--Marie

If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-12-06 01:09 PM

The last lines where beautifully done
I'm very impressed with that stanza
keep it up

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

7 posted 2001-12-07 11:31 AM

I love your ending lines. I could really relate to them well. You've done a good job with this, Danny, be proud. Hopefully, we'll see more of you around here soon.

~AF~

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....I could be eating a slow learner.

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