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lone_poet707
Member

since 2001-11-17

Posts 70
black hole named Aylmer

0 posted 2001-11-17 09:17 PM

Rid myself of my misery.
In my mind,
I know it's all imaginary,
this restrictive force
holding me down.
It can't be this infectious town
attempting to alter the course
of life I have chosen.

I just can't shake this notion
that my life is caught behind
the 8-ball and
is heading in slow motion,
an unstoppable force
driving deep within my soul
to destroy any possible source
of happiness, a mole
clawing deep into my mind,
dragging out my darkest secrets
for all the critcs, to remind
them that I am human and imperfect.

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

1 posted 2001-11-17 11:35 PM

lone-poet,

First of all I'd like to welcome you to Passions. I hope you enjoy your stay here as much as we will enjoy having you.

It seems that we all have problems remembering that others are human and imperfect sometimes. I hope that you know deep inside that you are just fine the way you are.

Please check your e mail for a special message.

Dawn

SunShine913

Member

since 2001-08-19

Posts 211
Italy but from NC

2 posted 2001-11-18 09:14 PM

~!~ WELCOME ~!~

AND I LOVED THIS PLEASE KEEP WRITING~!

and if you ever need anything im here for you~!!! here is my email LILTAZZ24@aol.com

*!~!* Andrea *!~!*

[This message has been edited by Read_what_i_write (edited 11-18-2001).]

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

3 posted 2001-11-18 11:19 PM

This is a great poem for a first post..
All I have to say is...... KEEP WRITING!

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

4 posted 2001-11-19 01:47 PM

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!!!!!

Nice to have you here with us

I cant wait to read more from you hopefully in the NEAR future

i dont really have anything to critique about...i thought it was jus fine and dandy the way it is!! welcome again!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

sleepymoongirl
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 157
bc canada

5 posted 2001-11-19 03:22 PM

welcome liked the poem i feel that way about myself sometimes don't be hard on yourself hope to read more from you! from me

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

6 posted 2001-11-19 06:03 PM

Welcome to passions!

I really enjoyed this piece. good luuck writing, and i hope see lots of your work in the futur.

Regina

some things in life are not meant to be, while others are meant to be cherished

K. Rebel
Junior Member

since 2001-10-21

Posts 40
San Juan, PR

7 posted 2001-11-19 09:53 PM

Welcome, and a great first post

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

8 posted 2001-11-28 04:32 AM

Wow, I think you did really well with this. The flow in the second stanza was better than the first for some reason. I don't know, but it was good.
Anyhow, the poem itself in content wise was pretty awesome. You expressed your thoughts clearly and wrote them down with raw passion. I could feel the power.
Very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

9 posted 2001-11-28 10:31 AM

Whoa!!!! Stellar poem here! The internal blippity-blips of rhythm and smiliar sounds made it flow really well. It was a piece enjoyed!

~Carly

Speak softly and carry a beagle.

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught."
~Edouard Manet

prov1717
Member

since 2001-12-26

Posts 74
NE

10 posted 2001-12-27 12:57 PM

nice write, enjoyed it, keep it up!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

11 posted 2001-12-28 12:09 PM

Welcome to Passions!!

What an amazing first post! The rhyme scheme you have running through it is excellent. The second stanza is the one that hit the hardest here. People do tend to like to remind us that we're imperfect humans. Bah to them.....

I hope you enjoy your time amongst the walls here like we all do. Please take the time to reply as well as write. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to many more.

~AF~

If this is all the world has to offer, I want a refund on my life.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

12 posted 2001-12-28 02:47 AM

i liked this poem a lot! great work!
robin

repeat after me: punk is the best music ever created!

Autumn Child
New Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 5

13 posted 2002-01-02 08:19 PM

very true, my first time also I liked your poem alot

[This message has been edited by Autumn Child (01-02-2002 08:20 PM).]

Voiceless
Senior Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 686
Under the stars upon the wind

14 posted 2002-01-02 10:56 PM

I would say welcome
if I didn't think that you were
really sick of just hearing that
so far.
But yeah what i think of the poem..
I like it very very much.
The second stanza seemed to hit
it home more with me then the
first, I like your imagery and
the line where you incorporated
the eight ball i thought that
was nicely done.
Great job!
And i can't wait to see what else
ya go!
Ta ta for now!
~jen

Freedom is not Free (Korean War memorial)

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