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Teen Poetry #5
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Just a Child
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Just a Child |
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fulanodetal3684 Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 19 |
I just wrote this very spontaneously and would appreciate some feedback I was estimating my infants,as a settler and perhaps I was skeptic, maybe of the absolute essence,as a meddler and I was cast a scientist hello there,you,rehearsing me,as a painter have I ever told you that I am fond, merely of your inconclusive presence,as a revisiter, which intrigues into my every secular thought what may be your purpose in this world? if may I ask of your perennial existence, you see, I am just a child, as I furl against the disbelief from which I've emerged, as an unsatisfiably pure impulse inside this residence |
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| © Copyright 2001 fulanodetal3684 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Nice poem I like it! Lauren |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
This one didn't really "hit" me, but I think it was well done all the same! Thanks for sharing! ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Well done. (For a spontaneous moment.) Keep it up. Ce sont les nouvelles; Une peu de pluie doit tomber sur tous les nous. |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Well done. (For a spontaneous moment.) Keep it up. Ce sont les nouvelles; Une peu de pluie doit tomber sur tous les nous. |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Well done. (For a spontaneous moment.) Keep it up. Ce sont les nouvelles; Une peu de pluie doit tomber sur tous les nous. |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Well done. (For a spontaneous moment.) Keep it up. Ce sont les nouvelles; Une peu de pluie doit tomber sur tous les nous. |
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rolly_polly Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 41puerto rico |
Hey! I thought this was really intresting, i like it...u have some intresting ideas here..keep it up   ~parallel universe~ |
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fulanodetal3684 Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 19 |
I think this really sucks |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
i have to agree with you ful, i dont like it much either. i think the reason would be is because the sentences are just a bit too congested. try and filter out words you dont need and see if it gets any better..  |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i've found that the best way to come out with a good final product is to take a poem and cut everything you can without obliterating the poem and then building from there. i agree with cherish, but i think you could do a lot with this is you re work it a little. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I think that this poem has a whole lot of potential. The way the poem is now expresses have some very good ideas. I think you should take a serious look at it, and ask yourself if the meter works right, if the rhyme scheme makes sense.. questions of that nature. I would love to see a finished product. Until then, well done here --Marie If going to church makes you a Christian, then sitting in a garage makes you a car. |
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Jezziekaka Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 58where the trees touch the sky |
I really liked this poem! be dangerous, unpredictable, and make a lot of noise! [This message has been edited by Jezziekaka (edited 12-03-2001).] |
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