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| Teen Poetry #5 |
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Justifications |
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deadeyes Junior Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 33 |
Hi all i'm new here and this is my first writing and I look forward to write many of my thoughts. For now my first will be a simple yet I find it meaningful. It's not even structured this is improvisation at it's finest..I promise my next will be poetry plus structured and whatnot..Take a look. My thought is supressed by a decay left beside the austerity of reality. I can't do this in everyone's abstinence and then you realize it's one more suicide. My topsy-turvy coma and deliriousness won't withstand the aclarity of butterflies in the sky. Innocence has corrosed and the chaotic is just another cliche. And then comes the prodigy of the spectacle to show us morality yet can't even dwell on his own. It is all a lifestyle... |
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| © Copyright 2001 deadeyes - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
"And then comes the prodigy of the spectacle to show us morality yet can't even dwell on his own." Nice poem, Welcome! |
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TopGunLauren Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718California |
Wow....I think of all the first poems I've read from people on here yours would have to be the best.It's a very powerful piece and one of the best I have read.But anyway I liked it and keep up the great work I can't wait to read more. Lauren |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I like this... it looks like you have a good basis for a good poem. I'm still starting poetry too, Passions is a good place to grow. So stay.  Welcome. Theo |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hmmmm...this was interesting. Kind of being sarcastic about the moral being who can't even justify why he's being moral at all....actually the poem was quite profound. Please e-mail me with an explanation...if possible. Thank you. Amazing write!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Hey *Zero*, This is really an impressive read man. Why did you always friggin purposely forget to bring your stuff to our jam sessions you calf! Anyways, I hope I can measure to your wit and talent in my own literary affairs. ----------------- Your fellow. |
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Winston Froom Junior Member
since 2001-11-28
Posts 32 |
Hey *Zero*, This is really an impressive read man. Why did you always friggin purposely forget to bring your stuff to our jam sessions you calf! Anyways, I hope I can measure to your wit and talent in my own literary affairs. ----------------- Your fellow. |
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rolly_polly Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 41puerto rico |
Hey there, i thought this was some excellent writing First poem i read from you and i must say it was a great read..keep posting here man..*wants to see more*   ~parallel universe~ |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
First of all, WELCOME TO PASSIONS! I'm so glad you've decided to join us here at PIP.Second, I would give an in depth critique here, but you don't have your critique flag up, so I'll restrain myself this time But I enjoyed this. And I look forward to seeing more! Nice work, and again.. welcome!--Marie If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the most frustrated people in the world are those who know they're stupid, but keep trying anyway. |
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deadeyes Junior Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 33 |
No please i insist i love critique. I critique to ppl all the time it's natural. Be harsh ..it's the best way for me to learn. lol But just rmemeber..it wasn't meant to be a poem it's more an opinion and i felt the need to express it because of it's meaning. Maybe that helps if you were going to critique on metaphors and whatnot jeje |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME!!! This was a very strong first piece..you can definately grow as a poet here...i hope you enjoy it here as much as the rest of us...i cant wait to read more from you!!! Please check your e-mail for a special greeting ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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Lisa_bebe15 Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151Florida |
Welcome to Pip!!! I cannot use big words in my poems..I dont know half the meanings of them..even tho I am only 15..I can only write love poems lol. Well if you have AIM my SN is LisaPigtails100 "Water Over Matter" |
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fulanodetal3684 Junior Member
since 2001-10-10
Posts 19 |
haha, yep, I see no reason why you purposely didn't bring that stuff to the "sessions". Anyways, you are writing really well, now get your drums!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep on writing you know you are good at it!! |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
i like your first post a lot, it was very intricate and took me a second to take it all in. my only suggestion might be to give this a little more structure and maybe break up the lines a little bit. anyway, glad you decided to join us here, i look forward to lots more. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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SunShine913
since 2001-08-19
Posts 211Italy but from NC |
 !~!~Welcome~!~! We are glad to have you here a passion .. i cant wait to read more of your work~!! Im andrea by the way and if you ever need to talk to me im here...hehe so feel free to Email me~! *!~!* Andrea *!~!* [This message has been edited by Read_what_i_write (edited 12-04-2001).] |
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