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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-11-06 10:55 PM


The Climb

When all seems just, consice and fair
And nothing is amiss
For every frown there is prayer
Resounding in a hiss
Such sweet dismay this fortune brings
Farewell to Earth, and earthly things

If I, to sky, my finger ply
And point and laugh at God
A climber on a whim will cry
While walkers will applaud
No mercy, as the climber sings
Farewell to Earth, and earthly things

How dreadful are the poor aligned
It makes me dimly smirk
As it must take a prison'd mind
To make your practice work
For each ascent, a church bell rings
Farewell to Earth, and earthly things

Upon your cheek your failure runs
Abandons levity
Come join us, the enlightened ones
The church of gravity
His fingers tired, he prays for wings
Farewell to Earth, and earthly things


[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (edited 11-07-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
DancinQueen
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA
1 posted 2001-11-06 11:33 PM


impressive~i was lost until the end (but dont worry thats normal for me haha) i get it now..great job. cant wait to read more!

*dq

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

TopGunLauren
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 718
California
2 posted 2001-11-07 12:24 PM


Great poem I lvoed it keep up the awsome work I can't wait to read more of your poerty.
  Lauren

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
3 posted 2001-11-07 07:48 AM


Great work!! I really enjoyed this!  

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
4 posted 2001-11-07 07:57 AM


WOW!! Great work here...nicely done!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
5 posted 2001-11-07 10:14 AM


Well now. I do understand this one. Not a big fan of organized religion and God I take it? This was very well written, though I don't completley agree with the message behind it.

~It makes me dimly smirk
As it must take a prison'd mind
To make your practice work~

Did I understand these words accurately? As in a belief in God or higher power only comes to those with closed, feeble minds? And that those who are more open to reality understand there is no truth to it?
Please explain if I am wrong.

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-11-07 12:08 PM


"His fingers tired, he prays for wings
Farewell to Earth, and earthly things"

amazing...beautiful and loving it...as well did i relate...the repitition worked wonderfully.

=)

AngelPoet87
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
7 posted 2001-11-07 03:18 PM


I can see this one bringing a debate. But it was rather well written, good job.

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. Jatdore.

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
8 posted 2001-11-07 08:01 PM


I'm speechless. Well, not quite in that way...I suppose speechless for critiques. ^_^

*GAH!!!!* The symbolism of it all! The images, the wording, the rhyming, the flow, the meter (I especially love the meter.)!!! And it all fell into place for you, as well as for the reader, which is always good if you want anything to make sense. ^^;

The vocabulary you used was exceptionally well fitting to the piece. No favorite stanzas or lines here. They were all good! ^_^ You have a gift, even if you are a local parasite...so consider this a piece for the library. I'm virtually impressed. And thanks for your encouraging replies to my poems. Much appreciated of the favor. ^___^ Kudos!

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2001-11-07 08:35 PM


This is nice. Good poem.


Spine Grinder
Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...
10 posted 2001-11-08 10:31 AM


wow, i liked this 1 ALOT! this wuz awesum

ugh, my life is like a soap opera, everyday something new comes along and makes it 10x worse

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
11 posted 2001-11-16 05:52 AM


oh man this is AWESOME mr. milk!...it reminded me a lot about Wumpscut and their lyrics . i think you did an excelent job of this one theo. definately a library piece! keep writing poet....

       

  

BUM!



Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
12 posted 2001-11-27 02:17 PM


well i have read some of your work but i seem to have missed this one so i'm repling to it now. its very good and plz keep it up. can't wait to see more my friend.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


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