The Flame: A Fairytale Gone Wrong

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vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

0 posted 2001-11-06 09:35 PM

Hey guys,
I know it's been forever since I've posted anything!!! I've missed ya'll so much!! So here's the latest piece of poetry I've written. It's kinda a sob story but please let me know what you think. Thanks!
~*Nikki*~

The Flame: A Fairytale Gone Wrong

Once upon a time,
A fire burned in my heart.
The loving warmth I felt,
Came from the flame of a new start.

Lost within a trance,
I was enveloped in felicity.
Finally finding love,
Buried beneath simplicity.

The flame was burning bright,
Refusing to be put out.
Until the day you broke my heart,
Drenching it in drought.

My feelings toward you changed,
And I was loath to try again.
I grew to despise you deeply,
As I lost all faith in men.

But somehow the flame relit itself,
And it burns for you hereafter.
I feel the flicker inside my heart:
Unhappily ever after.

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-11-06 09:41 PM

I like the introduction and ending a lot. It's hard to begin and end a poem, and you did it in such an old style and it worked good.
I like the "felicity/simplicity" rhyme. It was so complex and sounded so good.

Theo

Crash&Burn
Member

since 2001-01-18

Posts 119

2 posted 2001-11-06 10:31 PM

this piece has a very elaborate rhyme scheme I really enjoyed it, though being a man and all I'd like to know the monkey who broke your heart giving us men a bad rep. Anyways yeah I liked your poem, it's full of emotion very well portrayed, I also hope things get better for you, and me, and all other lovesick/love missed puppies out there, not everything is bad so something good is bound to eventually come up

. Anyways now that your back posting I hope to see more of you around, se ya around

.

I see the darkness coming all is bleak...

branden726

Senior Member

since 2000-09-25

Posts 607
Bay City, MI

3 posted 2001-11-06 10:35 PM

Hi! I liked this i really did wow i wish i wrote like that and ive been gone for like 4 months maybe longer :-/
well love the poem

~*~Branden~*~

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-11-06 10:42 PM

its YOU! where have you been seems like ages since i read a piece by you...think your sytle matured maybe? over the absent period...great job, more says I.

=)

DawnG

Senior Member

since 2000-06-23

Posts 1494
United States

5 posted 2001-11-07 01:07 AM

vixen,

I hope you can find happiness some day.

Dawn

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

6 posted 2001-11-07 10:04 AM

Great job here!! I loved the way that this one flowed, you did splendidly on it.

~Lost within a trance,
I was enveloped in felicity.
Finally finding love,
Buried beneath simplicity.~

LOVING this

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

[This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 11-07-2001).]

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-11-09 09:57 AM

Why do you have to lose faith in all cause of the actions of one?
Stay strong and keep that head up
Nice to see you around here again

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-11-09 09:59 AM

WoW this was really good Nikki..i really enjoyed it and i understand how you feel. One thing can change the course of your life unfortunately and im sorry it happened to work out that way for you..but not all men are alike...although sometimes i tend to think that they are..but deep inside i kno their not...you need to find someone to make you happy so you can live HAPPILY ever after

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

9 posted 2001-11-09 06:50 PM

Hey guys,
Thank you for all of your replies!!! I'd like to think that something good will happen and that I will live "happily ever after" but right now I'm thinkin that's not gonna happen...But thanks!

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

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