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On this cold day in Augut
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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On this cold day in Augut |
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B0015OO New Member
since 2001-11-05
Posts 1Selah, WA |
I wrote this when I ws at the beachin August this past summer. I really enjoy write more along the lines of slam poetry, but I also enjoy song writing. I just feel writing is the best way for me to express my feelings. Me and my friend Cody, which you all might know as CwByAtHeart try to share our poetry with each other as much as possible. He ecouraged me to start posting some of my work. I hope you enjoy my first posted poem! ~On This Cold Day In August~ On this cold day in August, the ocean winds blows westward, like ice to the flesh, the cool breeze caresses my body All I want is you, You said I could choose, I said I wanted to be free, I didn't want to be alone... I want to feel the warmth of your body, The comfort of your hands fastened securly around my waist, On this cold day in August... All I long for is July |
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| © Copyright 2001 Emily Pratt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Greeneyes7 Junior Member
since 2001-11-05
Posts 16Illinois |
Awesome ending. "on the cold day in august, all i long for is july" I love that. They always say "You don't know what you got until it's gone". Whoever "they" are I guess they are right. I'm sorry you felt bad. But I'm sure it will get better. Life is what you make it. Live each day as if it was your last. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Nice enough poem. You made one reference to the addressed party's feelings, "You said I could choose." I felt that somehow you could have illustrated that party a bit more than this. I did enjoy this. And being a fellow newbie, I welcome you. It's nice here so far. Theo |
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Barelybreathing Junior Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 46 |
nice poem..the 2nd stanza doesn't make sense to me ( my head is too thick!) what do you mean? and just out of curiosity how'd you come up with your username?..keep writing 'The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own.' |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
this was beautiful! Reminds me of a song called This Bitter Night. great job~anxious to read more *dq **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Great first post! Can't wait to read more of your work! ~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!? |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I had an experience kind of like this. Actually almost exactly like this. *sigh* Oh well. I, too, loved the ending here. Great work. Welcome to pip.  Jenn "I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..." |
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DawnG
since 2000-06-23
Posts 1494United States |
Boo, I'm glad Cody encouraged you to start posting your own work. I know I'm longing for the days of July about now. Only 8 and a half months away. LOL.Dawn |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I really liked this one! I totally connected with it. Can't wait to see more. Jon "Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME!!! I enjoyed this first post of yours and i cant wait to read more! Welcome! ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd.. |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!! Wow, this was an amazing piece!!! On this cold day in August... All I long for is July This last line hit me really hard. I might have interpreted it incorrectly, but it seems like you're saying that you wanted something so badly until it was yours, and then you wanted something else. Using the months as a metaphor is just sooo strong and powerful!! I'm really feelin' this piece. I like it soo much!!! Great work! ~*Nikki*~ ~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this poem greatly. I found the ending to be the highlight of the poem. It really completes it and makes the reader just sit there in a lust of your words.... Very well said... Welcome to passions, check your e-mail for a special message. Dopey_Dope/Moderator  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Knight of Secrecy Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I agree with everyone the ending was great. "On this cold day in August... All I long for is July" Nice job -C.M. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Welcome to PIP, thank you for sharing this great poem with us, hope to see more of your work soon and hope you have a good time here. Andrew "The feelings are replaced, And the words have all decayed, But it's another day ,it's another day" - My Vitriol "The gentle art of choking" |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Nice to see you joining us here in Passions. Hope you enjoy this place as much as we do Your ending made me think for a sec Very different indeed but still very effective thanks for sharing hope to see more in the future là où est mon amour? |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
miss pratt...come down here and youll never be cold in AUGUST!  i love this first post- its open and honest and expresses your feelings VERY well. it was nicely written too. Welcome Em! |
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Lisa_bebe15 Member
since 2001-11-15
Posts 151Florida |
My first poetic experence was at the beach also..It was a great poem..I could feel how you feel..I was enjoyed read it..Nice Work! *WELCOME* I just started yesterday..and I love submiting my poetry here.. |
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Ree Ree Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 56providence, RI |
This is a really good write. It's soooo relatable too, even that same month for me. keep up the kewl work! |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
Wow... I wasn't expecting to see you postin' here, but it's awesome that you are. I REALLY liked this poem... And like everybody said, the ending was awesome. It was a great way to complete the poem, kind of making you think. Hope that you like it around here and I'd love to see more. Great poem. - Cody - |
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