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Passions in Poetry

Mortar and Pestilence

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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
[First Post] 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 11-05-2001 05:39 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Mortar and Pestilence

Good eve, my Love and Savior true
I have a bone to pick with You
These bones I know not of
They're bleached and broken down by You
Empowdered by Your love

So square You stand, a being great
With bliss for death to compensate
and gifts to those who bow
My eyes stare high and dialate
To bend, they know not how

So, if You dare, peruse a glance
beneath the cries of holy chants
the muffled weary groan
There lies a child, in battle stance
His sight with eyes his own

You know the rank and filthy home
That hate and love will seldom roam
Yet seldom's something still
It's nestled in the gristled loam
A hopeful skeptic pill

And deep beneath the hairs and sands
Are darker, more encroaching lands
That beckon those who live
And follow not?  With humans hands
that rape as soon as give?

Do You, my less-than-humble Lord
A thinker's hand so much afford
as those who see you not?
Your mercy's to the underchored
whose minds so gaily rot

I'll give You not Your hatred back
Release Your paint from canvas black
and let it black remain
Your paintbrush can but maim and hack
Your portrait is a stain


[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (edited 11-05-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


1 posted 11-05-2001 05:49 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

display of your written words are truly beautiful...your writing holds depth as from what i see...i thought the "aabab" rym scheme was done well...enjoyed fully and hope to see you read, share and reply more, until then.

=)

Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 10-12-2001
Posts 122
San Juan, Puerto Rico


2 posted 11-05-2001 06:07 PM       View Profile for Knight of Secrecy   Email Knight of Secrecy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Knight of Secrecy

WoW. Great First post. Your style reminds me of my own poetry in a way I don't know why. Keep posting!

-C.M.
Jenn Cirrincione
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since 07-02-2000
Posts 4370
Fl


3 posted 11-05-2001 07:27 PM       View Profile for Jenn Cirrincione   Email Jenn Cirrincione   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jenn Cirrincione

Welcome once again!!  
I really enjoyed this, so serious, so beautiful, so...refined.It was an excellent first post.  

I'm waiting for more!!

Jenn

"I want love on my own terms; after everything I've ever learned. Me, I carry too much baggage..."

Greeneyes7
Junior Member
since 11-05-2001
Posts 16
Illinois


4 posted 11-05-2001 07:31 PM       View Profile for Greeneyes7   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Greeneyes7

What a wonderful poem.  Deep.  Extremely deep.  Or at least my interpretation of it was.  Thank you for sharing it with me and the rest of passion posters.

Life is what you make it.  Live each day as if it was your last.

Barelybreathing
Junior Member
since 04-26-2000
Posts 47


5 posted 11-05-2001 10:38 PM       View Profile for Barelybreathing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Barelybreathing

This is a great poem..the entire poem flowed well and the last stanza ended it beautifully..loved the choice of words...dark..my fave stanza:

'You know the rank and filthy home
That hate and love will seldom roam
Yet seldom's something still
It's nestled in the gristled loam
A hopeful skeptic pill'


and most of all I loved the ending:

'Your paintbrush can but maim and hack
Your portrait is a stain'

awesome keep writing.

'The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own.'
~Montaigne~

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


6 posted 11-05-2001 11:17 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Thank you all.  I value your feedback greatly.
You are all good writers too from what I have seen.

Theo

Skyfire
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since 12-27-2000
Posts 5766
Riding


7 posted 11-06-2001 01:03 AM       View Profile for Skyfire   Email Skyfire   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Skyfire

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! I can't wait to read more of your work!!! Awesome first post!

~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!?

~Love me because I am Rhonda

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


8 posted 11-06-2001 02:15 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

"Your mercy's to the underchored
whose minds so gaily rot"

PWOOOOoooOOOoOOOOooAR!!
now this i like VERY much thanks theo!
its very well written- i can see that you put a lot of time and effort into this piece. the imagery was vividly painted in my head and i must say that this was an amazing first post!

oh and i knew i had my manners in my pocket cuz id like to give a big:

Welcome Theo!!


have fun toots! and make sure you reply and post and reply and post and reply till yer wee hearts content!


         

watch me fall,
              fall,
                  f-a-l-l-i-n-g
into my dark little hole.

DawnG
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-23-2000
Posts 1715
United States


9 posted 11-06-2001 01:23 PM       View Profile for DawnG   Email DawnG   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DawnG

This is a totally awesome first post. Thanks for sharing.  

                        Dawn
A Square Paraboloid
Junior Member
since 11-06-2001
Posts 10


10 posted 11-06-2001 03:38 PM       View Profile for A Square Paraboloid   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for A Square Paraboloid

Well hello, Theo. I see that you have allowed yourself to express again. I enjoyed your piece very much, and can understand its contents as well. I think I would respond the same way. This place is nice, from what I have seen. Everyone is talented and pleasant. Awaiting your next masterpiece, love.

A Square Paraboloid

[This message has been edited by A Square Paraboloid (edited 11-06-2001).]

AngelPoet87
Member
since 04-21-2001
Posts 418
Indy


11 posted 11-06-2001 09:01 PM       View Profile for AngelPoet87   Email AngelPoet87   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelPoet87

Hello there Theo! I promised I'd respond and here I am! I don't have much to say on this one other than..Wow. This was beautifully written. The flow was great, no doubt. The rhymes weren't forced which always adds to the piece. Wonderful poem to introduce yourself with. I look forward to reading more of your work! Take care and keep writing.
~Ali

Liefhe alle ten spijte van duivel... A tes souhaits... A tes amours... Qu ils restent. Jatdore.

Spice
Member Elite
since 04-13-2001
Posts 4474
Resting in my cardboard box.


12 posted 11-06-2001 10:13 PM       View Profile for Spice   Email Spice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Spice's Home Page   View IP for Spice



Welcome to PIP!



Excuse me while I catch my breath....

Ahem, okay. Much better.
Holy hell, this was absolutely one of the best pieces I have ever read here at PIP...Truely amazing. I can't even pick out a favorite part it's that good. You are awesome man...All I can say is keep up the outstanding work and don't be a stranger...Post much more! HeHe
Something about this made it unique...besides the font style you chose. HeHe...the flow was done well, loved the questions throughout...But the wording is what really did it I think...Anywho- Loved it...Kudos!

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 09-26-2000
Posts 3830
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs


13 posted 11-07-2001 01:40 PM       View Profile for xShUgArHiGhx   Email xShUgArHiGhx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit xShUgArHiGhx's Home Page   View IP for xShUgArHiGhx

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

WoW, i dont even know what to say (that never happens...)...this poem, especially for a first post, was AMAZING!!! I cant wait to read more from you so PLEASE keep posting!!! Nice to have you here at pip w/us   Welcome!!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


14 posted 11-08-2001 08:16 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Welcome to passions, thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece of poetry with us... your first post as well.... Hope you have a good time here and I look forward to reading more

"The feelings are replaced, And the words have all decayed, But it's another day ,it's another day" - My Vitriol "The gentle art of choking"

vixengrl04
Senior Member
since 04-26-2001
Posts 513
East Haddam, CT


15 posted 11-08-2001 05:32 PM       View Profile for vixengrl04   Email vixengrl04   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vixengrl04

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!
   This was written sooooo well!!!  I love the form you used with this piece, as it was a bit different than that which I usually see.  Great work!  

~*Nikki*~

~*I'd rather you hate me for what I am than love me for what I'm not.*~

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


16 posted 11-28-2001 05:15 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Amazing job!! I really think you have a talent. I didn't like the flow because you come off with awesome flow the first two verses of each stanza, and break off into shorter syllable counts the 3rd and 5th verses. I understand, this is a style, but not one I fancy. Anyhow, that is an OPINION. As far as the poem itself goes, the style, you wrote it well. You complied with it rather justifiably and I hope to read your work more often....I find time to be challenging to spare lately, sorry.
ANyhow, well done.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


17 posted 02-10-2003 03:01 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

And deep beneath the hairs and sands
Are darker, more encroaching lands
That beckon those who live
And follow not?  With humans hands
that rape as soon as give?

Do You, my less-than-humble Lord
A thinker's hand so much afford
as those who see you not?
Your mercy's to the underchored
whose minds so gaily rot

I'll give You not Your hatred back
Release Your paint from canvas black
and let it black remain
Your paintbrush can but maim and hack
Your portrait is a stain

==================================


me thinks you bleed cadence my poet pal...
and talk rhyme in your sleep.
now...back to stalking me fav bug poet
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