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Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2001-10-28 03:01 PM


Streets of Thirst

If you climb a mountain,  
would you ask how high it is?
Stare at the horizon,
Forsake the road

Risk instant salvation
Just to see the rest of the journey
Someday she may understand
The middle of the storm is always quiet

Spread the wealth of an artificial lord,
and give a shallow sing of salvation
Freeze their tears and shatter them
to inmortality

Witness its blooming, entangled in its vines.
Independent thought walks the streets of memory
Threw the swift breeze of thirst, stumbling with its breath
Gasping. One kiss could be our journey, ending in a lie

A night on my last hour, stumbled
Avoiding another thought,
And striving threw the endless
Streets of thirst

Ok, I have to say this is based on a 'true' story. I used, or tried to use my old style and the style that you have seen in "Jester's Crown" & "My distinction". I think this style is good for a couple more poems.

-C.M.

[This message has been edited by Knight of Secrecy (edited 10-28-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Carlos Machado - All Rights Reserved
quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
1 posted 2001-10-28 05:10 PM


i don't think a writer should deliberately try to manipulate their style.  a style is something distinctive to each writer, and my personal opinion is that you shouldn't try and switch styles every few poems.

just go with the flow, write to express yourself and let everything happen on it's own.

for some reason i have a feeling i made no sense whatsoever, but i hope you catch my drift.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Knight of Secrecy
Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 113
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2001-10-28 05:27 PM


Well jen, you made sense but I have to disagree, eventhough I always write the things how they come out dispite the style, but I believe writers and poets have tastes for their own poems, I like my old style, my change came unconciously but writers should experiment with the way they write because like everything in life, you don't know what you like(are good at) until you try it, some may agree with me, others may not.

-C.M.

K. Rebel
Junior Member
since 2001-10-21
Posts 40
San Juan, PR
3 posted 2001-10-29 09:30 PM


i think this is very good and powerful Carlos
chasing rain
Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737
Canada
4 posted 2001-10-31 06:44 PM


Hmmm...a very thoughtful piece of work you have here. ^_^ Especially in the first stanza:

If you climb a mountain,  
would you ask how high it is?
Stare at the horizon,
Forsake the road

A very professional piece of work, with wonderful vocabulary.
I think a poet can do whatever he wants to his style and his poetry. It's a good way to try things out. Give a little freedom, eh? ^_^

Until next time.

++ Leah ++

Va pensiero sull' ali dorate...

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
5 posted 2001-11-01 06:55 AM


OOOh hey very well done once again carlos..im a fan of your poetry you know that?...loved this one lots...keep them coming, poet!

         

"......",said the wise mute.

Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
6 posted 2001-11-02 12:50 PM


I really really like your poems!! Keep it up!

~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!?

~Love me because I am Rhonda

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
7 posted 2001-11-02 01:03 PM


I think this style is awesome. I really really liked this one. In fact, it's my favorite poem of yours up until now. I REALLY liked it. You expressed yourself well and the symbolism is fantastic. I think you should write like this as long as you feel like it cuz it's just a nice style and i look forward to more.
Adios

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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