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Teen Poetry #5
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knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-10-27 05:55 PM


bah its been awhile since if posted as well as written anything. this was just a spur of the moment thing and it kinda sux *shrug* oh well. i just felt like fiddlin with something. have fun *hugs*


it's been so long
since i could speak
honestly and open
sharing all i felt

i know i made mistakes
we both did it seems
i gave up to easily
or was that you?

confusion reigns there
and i can't find the answers
i know you care for me
just as i care for you

it's too late to go back
the die was cast deep
i love you or not
we'll never know from here

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

© Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved
holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
1 posted 2001-10-28 02:13 AM


Tiffany posted!  hahahaha  Sugoi ne!  And since it's been such a long time since you posted (lurkers are evil... *looks around and whistles innocently and IGNORES all the signs which read "MC is a lurker!"*), I decided that... uh... *considers*  Maybe I do want to write a long post here... eh, I dunno. ^_^  We'll see how it turns out.

This one was good... and makes me REALLY want to beat up the designers of this site for not having a copy of the poem itself below the poem or at least on the same page so that I could see it while I was replying... hey!  I'll make that suggestion in a bit.  *skittles off to make the suggestion*  Suggestion made! ^_^  It's on the Suggestions forum... uh... anyways.

SPELL CHECKING!  Second stanza, third line, should be "too" not "to"... and beyond that, it works... 'cept I have no idea what you mean by "the die was cast too deep" but beyond that, this poem did not suck, but was actually ultra-sugoi, excellent work which really ranks up against most of the works that I've read from you. ^_^v  It totally rocks, and it does not suck... although you are welcome to keep on thinking that if you really want to, coz poets tend to hate their own work for some reason...

I liked the mood in this one... and the ending was kawaiiness! ^_^  Your poetry rocks, Tiffany!  And you're not allowed to lurk any more!  *takes away your pass to Land of Lurkers*  Get back here and POST!  Or else I'm going to go off on an evil hideous little spree... *sniffles at Tiffany* ^_^v  Ja ne!  POST MORE!


- holatuwol

Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
2 posted 2001-10-29 11:49 PM


Aw, that makes me think that maybe my ex felt that way after he dumped me... What a strange response I had to this! Great read!

~I am a computer genius... Hey! How do you turn this thing on?!?

~Love me because I am Rhonda

quietlydying
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Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
3 posted 2001-10-30 12:03 PM


ooh...  i love this piece.

very hard hitting, especially the last line.

one thing though, if you're not using it for effect, it's spelled dye.

other than that it's great.

- jen

so foul and fair a day i have not seen.  - macbeth act 1, scene 3

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-10-30 04:27 AM


The ending was so great. I really liked this one Tiff. I think, if anything, that the ending is what made this poem make me go "wow". So all in all, a job well done.  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
5 posted 2001-10-30 10:26 AM


The poem was great...I think you expressed your feelings very nicely here...nice job and keep up the great writing!

ShE'S nOt ThE kInDa GiRL..WhO lIkeS tO tElL tHe WorLd AbOuT tHe Way She FEEL'S aBouT hErSelf...ShE tAkEs a LiTtLe TiMe In MakIn uP hEr MiNd..

never_a_princess
Member
since 2001-06-09
Posts 82
Show Me the Money
6 posted 2001-10-30 08:56 PM


maybe it was just you messin' around with some words, but man! those words came out nicely! nicely expressive! good post, buddy!
__o0o_Anna_o0o__   *waves*

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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