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Child of the Stars
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Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2002-05-23 05:53 PM





A Sonnet for James


i once created likenesses of you
in fruitless, barren creases of the mind
(elusive and adored, that seamless line)
we stood on either side, both crescent views
  i thought I held a person that I knew.
the sunset weighed with distances inside
some spreading heart of empathies combined
i thought it only came when it was through.

i saw you fear above me, flying low,
the joyless freeless suffocated days
an end has come, the sun will die again
and molds of you will pass and melt and go.
i'll pass on peace of sympathies and plays
and you'll return to where you've always been.

© Copyright 2002 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
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since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2002-05-24 06:53 PM


blah once I have a moment to really sit down and read this I will Carly. I haven't had the chance to give my attention to it yet.  Love you sweetie.
~tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I know Im not perfect but I can smile
& I hope that you c this heart behind my tired eyes

Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg
2 posted 2002-05-25 11:33 AM


Carly, Carly... writing sonnets now?  Reminds me of J.D. Raul...  

Ah, memories, eh?  

I have to say that I love the tone of this poem.  I know, I say that way way too much, but this one had a really cold nostalgia that caught my eye especially kindly.  The "I" and "you" concept that you used is also something I like to see in sonnets... very distinctive parties that are equally discussed, and (in the second stanza) brought together for a collective description.

The opening two lines are very well thought-through... "fruitless, barren creases of the mind" is a really cool image.  I love how you can take non-physical concepts and physicalize them through imageatic (that's a word right?) writing...  

quote:
an end has come, the sun will die again
and molds of you will pass and melt and go.


This reminded me of "Further."  Remember that song?  Yeah, that's what I was thinking of when I read that line.  Pretty cool.

My favourite line is the last of the first stanza.  "I thought it only came when it was through."  That one made me stop and ponder, and ponder... and try to read into it more.  Every time I reread the stanza, I admit some of it loses me.

Oh, and critique?  You used "and" a bit too much.  Your meter here was kind of tried, I have to admit... you used a lot of one-syllable words alternately in your lines.  But I digress.

I've forgotten what it's like to read some of your perplexing, vague, picassoesque poetry, Ms. Van Dort...

Thank you for this golden opportunity.  

All images begin in mirrors and end inside our subconsious.
~Genesis P-Orridge, "Thee Reversal of Fate"


[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (05-25-2002 11:37 AM).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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3 posted 2002-05-25 12:18 PM


Well, although I cannot be as well thought-out nor critical as Allan (who could?) I'd like to say it's nice to read your work again. This reminds me of things that have happened...upon re-reading the poem, it really, really touches me. This has most definitly happened to me, and in my opinion maybe happened to you? This poem makes me feel great loss... nice work.

Good to hear from ya doll
Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
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Twilight Zone
4 posted 2002-06-06 02:10 PM


very expressive of one's inner feelings
just makes me think whats goin on
hope things are fine with ya
thanks for sharing

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.


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